Train wreck
by Red-case craze
Summary: Long story short, I was hit by a train on the way home from the pub and died. Short story long, I didn't know I was dead and decided that my idea of heaven was going on an adventure, despite proclaiming I didn't want that. Yes, life is trying. No, it isn't easy unless you make it that way. But by Jove life can be fun! M rate for language.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1: Work with me.

It was a mysterious Friday night... I want you to wonder why it was a mysterious Friday night and not just an ordinary Friday night, because then there's an element of pre-introduced surprise, which I like the thought of. I wore a pair of black denim shorts, high waisted if you wanted to know, a red plaid shirt, black socks over skin coloured tights paired with light blue boots. Why is this important you ask? It's not, it just adds context to the story, in relation to the fact that this choice of outfit was considered inappropriate where I was going next.

Don't worry, there is no need to wonder about that one. The answer is simple... Middle Earth! I know, I know, it sounds clichéd and it is, but not for the reason you would think.

"Clarisse! Get over here and have another shot!" Darcy called, clearly the drinker out of the pair of us. I know that most worries say that both go through, but not in some cases, in some cases the choose one is specifically chosen for the storyline!

"I think I'll just head home Darcy! Have another drink for me." I replied, brushing a red curl out of my flushed face and walking out of the bar door, heading for the subway station. "Jesus Christ why is it taking so long?" I muttered after arriving, leaning forwards to get a better look. I heard someone shouting at me to get back, I naturally ignored them in my drunken state, the train hitting me hard in the back. I lay on the tracks, staring brokenly at the ceiling, feeling a warm puddle spilling out beneath me.

"Miss! Miss!? Miss are you alright?" A woman called, I rolled my eyes and got up, brushing down my tights and cleansing my arms.

"Yeah, course I'm fine." I replied airily, looking at her as she kept gazing at me stupidly.

"Oh God, has someone called an ambulance?!" The woman screeched, I winced and shook my head.

"There's no need, I'm fine. Uh look, I'm going home, don't bother with an ambulance." I said, passing another bystander who ignored me as well. "Jeez." The walk home took less time than usual, I left the explanation on the fact that there were no cars out so I didn't need to wait for the lights to change before crossing the street. "Finally! Home sweet home." I sighed, walking into the sliding door and falling back onto my ass with a grunt. "Uh, Terry? The doors broken again." I said loudly, the elderly man shuffling over and looking up and down the street, a man coming to the door.

"So sorry about that, I'm looking for a Clarisse Reynolds?" He requested, Terry stammered for a few minutes before nodding.

"Apartment fourteen for Miss Reynolds, although I don't think she's home yet Sir." Terry said shakily, heading back to his desk and sitting back down. I quickly ran up the stairs before the mystery man, opening and locking my front door. There was a knock, I knew it was him.

"What do you want?" I called through the door, he chuckled and shook his head.

"I am looking for someone to join me in an adventure."

* * *

"I'm not sure I want that actually." I said quietly, after having listened to the man who called himself Gandalf telling me about dragons and Dwarfs and stolen homelands. "This Thorin character sounds like he would hate me."

"I'm sure he will, but he shall not have much of a choice once I explain why." Gandalf replied calmly, sipping his tea with ease.

"Yeah but I don't get it. You're saying that these Valar want me to go with a company of twelve Dwarfs, a Hobbit and a Wizard to kill a Dragon and take back a cold, dark Mountain in the North East of Middle Earth and then fight a war whilst keeping the line of Durin intact the whole time?" Gandalf nodded. "Sorry but I've read the books and seen the movies, those three are awful at keeping themselves out of danger! I mean, the only thing Fili really says throughout the entire movie is 'Kili' because he's always in trouble! It doesn't help that Thorin almost gets himself killed by that great white bastard and his rancid mutt." I wanted, throwing my hands up in frustration. "I mean, if Dwalin couldn't stop Thorin being so stubborn and pin headed then how in hell am I supposed to?!"

"My dear, these are all questions you must answer for yourself." Gandalf said unhelpfully, I groaned and flopped back onto my couch.

"As if I didn't almost get hit by a goddamn train already tonight." I sighed the buzz of the consumed alcohol wearing off. "What happens if I fail?"

"Then the Valar make you repeat the entire journey as many times as they must until you save the three sons of Durin."

* * *

"I thought you said we'd arrive straight at Bag end." I muttered grumpily, walking alongside Gandalf angrily. Before we had left my apartment, he had requested that I change my clothing, I had opted for a pair of black jeans and a blue flannel shirt with a long sleeved black top underneath. I kept my blue boots on as well, making sure to pack a bag with extra underwear and clothing in for the journey, doubting that the Company would be making very many stops.

"I said we would arrive close to Bag end." He replied, rolling my eyes, a thought popped into my head.

"Gandalf?" He turned his head and looked down at me. "The map you give Thorin, he won't be able to read it will be?"

"No, but I will lead him to Lord Elrond one way or another." The wizard answered slyly.

"He'll catch on..." I frowned. "You know it's Moon Runes don't you?" He nodded once. "I know what it says Gandalf... I won't tell him, but I do know what we have to do and where we will go."

"That is the only thing keeping me confident that Thorin will agree to your presence on this quest." I turned pink as i frozen, the Wizard sighed and stopped as well. "What now?"

"I have a tattoo of what the runes say on the inside of my upper arm... I also may or may not have an intense knowledge of this stories plot line and the one that happens after it... I don't like it Gandalf, not one bit."

"The one after it?" He pondered, choosing not to pursue the topic. "I would suggest keeping that tattoo to yourself Miss Reynolds. Lest you be named a Witch and killed for it."

We arrived at Bag end in the mid afternoon, finding Bilbo sat puffing on his pipe in the warmth. I've got to say, Martin Freeman did Bilbo justice, there wasn't a lot of difference between the two. I ignored Gandalf's confusion tactics, admiring the Hobbit's garden enviously.

"Do you garden Miss?" Bilbo asked as Gandalf bustled off down the path away from us.

"No, I killed the only plant I ever owned and it was made of plastic." I replied, Bilbo frowned and looked around for the Wizard.

"How inconsiderate of him, it would appear that Mr Gandalf has left you behind Miss..." He trailed off, I blinked and then shook his extended hand.

"Clarisse Reynolds." I said, he nodded and gave me a smile.

"Well, you had better come in the Miss Reynolds, I should imagine that Gandalf will remember and be right back in no time."

* * *

As it turned out, the Wizard did not come back until the next morning, although he kept his presence unknown to Bilbo and I just knew that he was putting the Dwarf homing device on the front door... Which I also knew was likely to give Bilbo a heart attack when he found out.

"Oh he's not going to be happy at all." I whispered, heading back to the room the Hobbit had leant me for my stay, it was tonight then, when the Dwarfs would turn up and destroy Bilbo's house.

I decided quickly to stay out of the way for as long as possible.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2: Look at this.

When the first four Dwarfs had arrived, I wondered whether risking it out there was worth the rush of meeting the characters of my favourite book, although admittedly I preferred Bofur and Bombur to any of the ones that had arrived yet. It was just after the rest had come, not Thorin, that Bilbo came to get me.

"Miss Reynolds? Might I be so rude as to request your help with these Dwarfs?" Bilbo asked through the door to my room, I cringed and shuddered before straightening my new pastel lilac dress Bilbo had given to me and marching out the door. "Oh dear." I heard as Bilbo walked briskly to keep up, he wasn't that much shorter than me in truth. As we rounded the corner of the dining room, I felt butterflies in my stomach, I crossed my arms and frowned at the rowdy Dwarfs.

"Excuse me?" I said loudly, all of them turning around, I kept my eyes fixed on Balin, who had an eyebrow raised. In all of the stories I had read, none of the girls ever fell in love with him, always with Fili or Kili or Thorin, hence not looking at either of the younger Dwarfs. "I assume that the four of you have thanked Mr Baggins for allowing you into his home?" I asked, there was a chorus of non committal answers, I raised an eyebrow to them. "What have you done since arriving? Intruded, ignored Mr Baggins, insulted his home without apology and now you're eating his food as though he doesn't want any left?" I asked, no sound came from any of them.

"Apologies Mr Baggins." Balin said, stepping forwards, his hands raised. "But I did not know you had a Wife." Both Bilbo and I turned red, he from embarrassment and myself from anger.

"Wife?" We asked in unison.

"Well, usually when a man and woman live together, they are either married or young siblings." Balin explained, I sighed and pinched the bridge of my nose.

"No, we are not siblings nor married, Gandalf left me behind and Bilbo took me in out of kindness and I assume pity. Now, you lot are the worst house guests, and this place had better be spotless by the time the morning comes around or I swear to all that is good and holy, that if it isn't, I will personally hunt down each and everyone of you and drag you back by your ears." I threatened, leaving the men to continue with their raucous ways.

"I do believe they may have listened to some of that." Bilbo sighed, I shook my head.

"Bloody Dwarfs."

* * *

Several hours passed by, the Dwarfs sang their way through cleaning up the dishes, giving Bilbo a stroke as they threw around his mother's hundred year old West Farthing pottery. I heard the three ominous knocks on the door, announcing the arrival of Thorin and fought the desire to stay hidden.

"Oh come on you wimp, what happened to the Clary that just threatened a room full of scary, armed Dwarfs? Thorin is just a big kitty compared to them." I hissed at myself, steeling my nerves and striding to join Bilbo, the rest of the company turning their eyes to the ground. I arrived just i time to here Thorin's parting insult.

"He looks more like a green grocer than a burglar."

* * *

I frowned and pushed between Gloin and Bofur, standing next to the dejected Hobbit and crossing my arms.

"So you're just gonna pass him off like that?" I asked, the Dwarf prince turned around and scowled at me. "Don't you scowl at me, just because you don't want to hear what I'm telling you." I added, he rolled his eyes and turned away, ignoring me as I pursed my lips.

"Laddie, remember what happened the last time a Dwarrow looked at you like that." Balin warned, Thorin scoffed.

"Yes, my taller than this girl Sister ranted for the better part of a day at me for not watching Fili and Kili." He said shrugging. "This child can cause me no greater grief."

"Oh you really are an asshole! And all of the stories I've heard always paint you as some kind of God given saint, you're not, you're a jumped up prick with a sexist inferiority complex." I snapped, feeling the rolls of anger waving off the Prince.

"Hold your tongue." He warned, jabbing a finger at me.

"No." I simply replied, stomping my foot. "I will not follow orders from a douche bag who has everyone under his nail out of what appears to be loyalty on the inside but feels more like fear in the inside."

* * *

Or you know, that's what would have happened if I'd been more confident. Yeah, threatening a room of Dwarfs was nothing, but I just couldn't open my mouth to argue with Thorin, the look he gave me was knee shakingly confused, like he'd never seen a woman before in his life.

"Gandalf, you did not tell me to expect a woman to be coming with us." Thorin said in what I assume must have been his, pleasantly surprised voice.

"Ah yes, allow me to introduce the back up plan. Clarisse Reynolds, meet the Leader of our company, Thorin Oakenshield." Gandalf said, deigning forgetfulness. Thorin merely nodded to me respectfully, I returned the gesture before turning on the Wizard.

"Back up plan? What is that plan, to feed me to the Dragon?" I asked, he turned a faint shade of pink. "Don't worry, Gandalf already gave me the low down on your quest, my mouth is like a steel trap, I don't tell secrets that aren't mine to tell." I added to Thorin almost indifferently.

"Well, I thought that it would throw Smaug off to smell your scent." He tried to explain, I frowned.

"Are you trying to say that I smell? Because, I know I haven't showered in a few days but come on." I groaned, the Wizard must have picked up on my joke because he chuckled, the others did not.

"What is a shower?" Ori asked quietly from his spot behind Dori, I closed my eyes before answering.

"It's like standing under a waterfall and bathing that way." I explained, he nodded and scribbled in his journal quickly.

"Come on, let's go and sit down and discuss this properly."

* * *

I knew this part of the story too well, even from the second Bilbo fainted because of Bofur, the only reason I said nothing was because this scene never failed to make me chuckle, even in the cinema where the staff threatened to have me removed for laughing too loudly and disturbing everyone else. An hour ago, Gandalf had sat down with Thorin, the pair casting me looks every so often, so I gathered that they were discussing me.

"So Miss Reynolds, how did you come to being here?" Dori asked, watching Ori over the top of his knitting as he talked with Fili and Kili by the fire.

"Oh uh, Gandalf found me. You know, he's a Wizard, I was just minding my own business, walking home from the pub, he found me and brought me along." I explained loosely, leaving out the hit by a train bit.

"Ori be careful!" Dori squawked, jerking towards his brother and pulling him back, I smiled. "Don't your family wonder where you are?"

"Doubtful, they kicked me out ten years ago." I replied, to which he gaped.

"Kicked you out?! How old were you?" He demanded, I frowned and thought about it.

"Well, I turn twenty-nine in two months so I guess I was between eighteen and nineteen really." I answered uncertainly, Dori's mouth opened and closed a few times before his face turned red.

"What madness drove them to do something that drastic?"

"It's a long story really. But in a nutshell, I didn't like the my dad's..." I scratched my ear before rephrasing. "I strongly disliked the guy who lived with my dad." I ended up going back to the first way of phrasing. "I hated the man my dad was with after mum died."

"He did what?!" Gloin shouted, having overheard our conversation.

"Well that's what we humans do Master Gloin. When someone we love dies, we either move on or we stay single out of respect. In my father's case, he changed his mind about liking women altogether and decided he preferred men."


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3: Ride.

(Waardenburg syndrome – a syndrome in which heterochromia is expressed as a bilateral iris hypochromia in some cases. A Japanese review of 11 children with albinism found that the condition was present. All had sectoral/partial heterochromia.)

* * *

There are a lot of questions being asked that night, about what the Dwarfs had done after finding out about my father, I'd rather not take the time to explain the answers I gave, they aren't very child friendly.

Thorin's baritone voice filled the small space of Bilbo's living room, his words reverberated with meaning through the still air. The others began to join in as well, I heard each of the individual voices joining in, weaving their melodies through each other. By this time, my eyes were sore and drooping, in need of sleep, Bilbo had spotted this and nodded his head towards the room I'd been in earlier.

"I'll be just down the hall if you need anything at all Miss Reynolds." He whispered, leaving me with a small smile. I smiled to myself and entered the room, looking in the mirror at the boring brown eyes staring back at me. With a sigh, I went about removing the brown contact I wore in my left eye, hiding the bright blue beneath. I had what was called "Waardenburg syndrome", which was the scientific explanation for the colour difference, I liked to tell everyone it was magic. It was just more interesting to a chubby twelve year old. As I braided my hair back away from my face, I felt like someone had dumped a bucket of icy water over my head, but I couldn't think of why.

"That's just weird." I muttered, climbing into the provided bed with a sigh and closing my eyes, drifting easily into sleep.

* * *

I woke up early the next morning, hearing what seemed like a million Dwarfs stomping past the door on their way to the toilet was the perfect alarm clock, I didn't know why I hadn't thought of it sooner.

I opened my eyes slowly, adjusting to the bright sunlight pouring through the window, I procrastinated the process of getting up for as long as I could, as I'm sure a lot of women do. Eventually, Dori knocked on the door, asking if I'd like a cup of tea.

"Miss Reynolds? Might I interest you in a cup of peppermint tea to wake you up his morning?" He called through the door, I stifled a groan.

"That would be lovely Dori, thank you." I replied, he made a proud noise before moving away from the door, I groaned. Peppermint tea was not on my list of favourite morning drinks, usually it was a quick Starbucks whilst turning up to work half dressed and an hour late. Dressing in what I'd arrived in Middle Earth wearing, I made my way to the makeshift dining room, sitting between Ori and Oin, grabbing a piece of toast before looking up at everyone, their eyes on me. "What? I can't have anything on my face already can I? I've just gotten up." I said, going back to my toast, their eyes still on me.

"What happened to your eye Lass?" Gloin called from the other end of the room, I frowned and made a confused noise, he pointed to his eyes. "They were brown yesterday." He added, I nodded.

"Yes they do that when you wear contact lenses." I replied, all of the Dwarfs leant forwards, silently asking for an explanation. Ori, with a quill in his hand ready, looked at me nervously but curiously.

"What's contact lenses?" He asked, Dori frowned at him whilst setting down my tea cup, the sharp mint smell invading my nose.

"It's like a piece of plastic that you put in your eye and you can see better. Or they come coloured like mine so that I can hide the heterochromia my grandmother gave to me." I explained poorly, he scribbled furiously, frowning still.

"Can you show us?" He asked, I nodded and pulled my contact case out of my pocket, opening it carefully. "What's the liquid?"

"It's saline, it's to keep the lenses clean and hygienic." I said, carefully lifting the singular lenses and inserting it, hearing sounds of disgust and horror coming from the others. "What? Where I grew up this is a normal practice." They hadn't stopped looking yet. "Oh go back to your knitting, it's not that awful is it?"

* * *

Apparently it was as Gandalf asked that I kept my blue eye hidden from people outside the company. When I asked him why, he was less than indirect in his response.

"There are those in Middle Earth that would seek to hurt you." He replied, I rolled my eyes.

"You mean they don't like it so they'll destroy it?" I muttered, he didn't answer. "And that the only ones who would do anything are men and Orcs?"

"Elves can be secretive, there is no telling what they might do." He argued, Thorin nodded from behind us before muttering to Dwalin in Khuzdul.

"Yes but I doubt they'd flog me for having messed up genetics, I can't help that I'm afraid." I said, rubbing a sore spot on my neck as we rode towards Bree. "Do we have to stop at this dump?" Gandalf looked at me with a raised eyebrow. "It's just that... Thorin will want to leave insanely late and there will be a guard stood there who will have to be punched in order for us to get out of here quietly. I'd rather avoid violence for as long as we can." I elaborated quietly, only the Wizard could hear me.

"Thorin? We have enough supplies to last until the next town... Is it imperative that we stop here?" He called to the head of the company, Thorin rolled his eyes.

"We stop at Bree for supplies, we move out again at nightfall, whether our Lady is tired or not." He replied, I frowned.

"I'm not tired, and for your benefit I'd rather not stay here... It's a total dive." I shouted, catching Kili's attention.

"What does that mean?" He asked innocently.

"It means the place is beneath her standards... Doesn't it Clary?" Fili replied, I nodded and then wrinkled my nose.

"Not exactly, it's just that... The Prancing Pony is fairly unhygienic and that the people of Bree will openly detest a company of Dwarfs in their town." I added, they both nodded. "I'm just thinking of everyone else."

"Enough, we stop and that's final." Thorin shouted, I rolled my eyes and sighed.

It felt like I was doing this a lot these days.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4: I always thought it was a cheese.

When we stopped in Bree that afternoon, we were led by Gandalf to The Prancing Pony, where we were given four rooms. It was agreed that Gandalf would stay with Bilbo and I and the Dwarfs would have to have it out amongst themselves over sharing rooms. As I sat down on my bed, I sighed and winced as I rolled my shoulders, feeling a sharp pain from my shoulder blade, traveling up into my neck.

"Everything alright? Clary?" Bilbo asked, I nodded and got up, my legs feeling stiff.

"Yes, I'm fine." I muttered, following the Hobbit down into the bar, where the others were waiting with food already set out.

"We saved you a seat Miss Reynolds." Kili called, patting a chair between he and Fili. I smiled and accepted that seat, sitting and wincing again. "Are you alright?" Kili asked, I nodded and waved him off.

"Just stiff from riding all day, I'm not really used to it." I answered, he nodded and broke a bead roll in half, shoving the larger half in his mouth and then motioning me to eat. I looked down at my plate, there was a bread roll, a piece of what looked like ham and some carrots. "Is there any water?" I asked, Fili passed a mug of water over the table, the tips of his fingers brushing mine as sending a jolt up my hand. "You just electric shocked me you...so and so." I said, trying to avoid swearing at a Dwarf Prince. He shook his head and smiled at the table top, Kili was laughing his head off at the pair of us.

"What's an electric shock?" Ori asked, I was lost for words at this Dwarf's curiosity.

"Uh... It's kind of hard to explain really, it's sort of like when you've been rubbing your hands together and then touching someone else's hand and it sort of shocks them I guess." I said, picking at the bread as Nori began rubbing his hands together, winking at me before jabbing Dori in the ribs, the older Dwarf yelped and glared at his brother nastily as the other Dwarf's started laughing. "Yeah, like that Nori."

"I think you have single handedly managed to give him a new way of annoying Dori... And the rest of us." Fili commented, a small smile on his face, with a shrug I nodded.

"I think it would seem I have." I replied as Kili took one look at the size of Bofur's drink and ran off to the bar, Nori in tow.

"Oh Mahal... I don't even want to know what he's doing now."

"It comes in pints." I muttered, quoting Pippin from Lord of the Rings. He nodded and looked me in the eye, there was something there I couldn't name, he looked away with his cheeks turning pink.

"Excuse me." Fili said, getting up and joining his brother at the bar. I heard Bilbo shuffle in next to me, taking Kili's abandoned seat and clearing his throat.

"Thorin wants to move out soon, Gandalf says we should go and pack our things up." He said quietly, I nodded and brushed down my jeans. My legs buckled under me when I went to stand, Bilbo attempted to grab me, but ended up crashing down to the ground. I couldn't feel my legs as the Dwarfs crowded around us, helping Bilbo up, Gandalf crouched next to me.

"Up you get my dear." He said, I shook my head and leaned on my elbows, waiting until the numb feeling was gone before allowing Bofur and Fili to help me up, the former checking me for bruises and the latter keeping me upright. "What happened?" The Wizard asked, I shrugged and rubbed my shoulder again.

"I don't know Gandalf... Maybe the something to do with the train accident." I said, Thorin pushed his way through the crowd as Gandalf stopped him.

"Train accident?" He repeated, brows pulling together as I nodded.

"Before you found me, I was out with my friend... I was on my way home when I leaned over the tracks... But I got back up, I was fine. I even stopped some woman calling an ambulance for me." I whispered, Fili was now frowning as he listened. "You were there when I got home, the doors were broken again, they wouldn't open as per usual. Then you brought me here and every so often, I feel stiff, just my legs recently."

"You should be fine to travel my dear, nothing to worry about." Gandalf said cheerfully, I nodded and allowed Fili to lead me up to my room.

"Thank you for the help." I said, the Dwarf nodded and didn't seem to want to leave me alone in the room. "You can stay if you're that worried... I'm sure I'll be fine though." I added, hearing Bilbo's bed creak as he sat down, I fought the desire to roll my eyes as I shoved my blanket back into my bag.

"Have you been wearing that the whole trip?" Fili asked, I nodded as he sighed. "You need to change. Those clothes will never be warm enough for travel. I'll go see if Kee has anything." He said, leaving the room as I sat down, feeling my legs weakening and head spinning.

Fili POV:

As I left the room, I hear Clary sitting down quickly, I entered the room I shared with Kili, Thorin and Balin.

"Did you bring any spare tunics brother?" I asked, the younger, lazy dwarf looked up from where he was sprawled across my bed.

"Check my pack, there should be one in there." He said dreamily, with a roll of my eyes, I began to root through his clothes, occasionally smelling the shirts. "Not that one idiot, that's not clean."

"None of it's clean brick brain." I snapped, sitting back on my feet with a sigh. "Throw me my pack then."

"Why go to such effort?" Thorin asked, entering the room and kicking Kili's foot roughly, getting him to move himself.

"Because she is a woman and mother will have our heads if she finds out that we have not treated Clary the way she is treated." I replied, Thorin shuddered as I mentioned mother.

"The difference Fee, is that mother is a princess and that Miss Reynolds is not... She's not even a Dwarf actually." Kili said, I wanted to shake my head and tell him that it didn't matter whether or not she was a Dwarf, I didn't care.

"Indeed."

* * *

As I knocked on the door to Clary's room, I looked out of the window, seeing Gandalf sat by the stables scribbling on a piece of paper. The only words that stood out to me were 'Clary' and 'dead'.

"Come on in." She called, I pushed open the door to see her struggling to zip up her back pack.

"I managed to find a tunic for you to wear, I'm afraid you'll have to keep the trousers and boots for now." I said, she smiled and nodded, crossing the room to take the tunic from me, her hands were shaking very slightly, I wanted to ask her about what Gandalf had been writing... About her and the death, but stopped myself, in case I upset her.

"Thank you." She replied, standing awkwardly. "Uh... Fili? I need to change." She whispered, my face burned as I nodded and left the room, leaning against the door once I had closed it.

I had no idea how to tell her that Uncle didn't approve of her...

So I refused to and resolved to show him.

Show him that Clarisse Reynolds was just as good as any Dwarrow Dam.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5: Broken toys and record players.

Clary POV:

Thorin had us wait outside in the rain for him and some of the others to get the ponies, I had taken refuge underneath the overhang of someone's house, water was dripping down the poor Hobbit to my left, he was miserable.

"How much longer must we stand in the wet Gandalf?" Bilbo inquired, scowling at the remaining Dwarfs like they were the ones causing the downpour. I glanced over, seeing Dwalin, Fili, Kili and Gloin returning with the ponies, each of them holding more than one set of reigns.

"About thirty seconds I would guess." I muttered, ignoring the expression I received from him, instead rubbing my arms to try and keep them warm. "Why is it your concern anyway? I thought you hated riding."

"I do, but not as much as I hate this weather." He replied a touch waspishly, I nodded and then jumped as a hand grasped my shoulder.

"Apologies Miss Reynolds, I had no intentions of frightening you." Fili said, a grin on his face as he pulled a newer looking pony up next to me. "This one's yours... She's called Hope... Well, up you get." He said, holding Hope steady for me. I chewed my lip nervously, sifting from one foot to another.

"We had this back at Bag End Fili, I can't get on the pony... I haven't got the required experience." I muttered, he frowned, mischievous smiles on both his and Kili's faces.

"How on earth did you get on the pony yesterday then?" Kili asked, like he didn't already know the answer. I refused to answer him for a few minutes, the rest of the company was now waiting impatiently, Thorin glowering at the three of us. I scuffed the toe of my boot against the gravel and looked up at the brothers.

"You had to help me." I admitted sourly, Kili nodded and then hoisted me up onto the pony. "That felt rather improper if you ask me." I added, he rolled his eyes.

"It's a good thing that we didn't then." Fili said, mounting his own pony and riding ahead to meet his Uncle, I sucked in my bottom lip and narrowed my eyes before catching up with Gandalf and Dori.

"Where are we headed now then?" I asked, neither of them answered, Dori because he didn't know and Gandalf because he couldn't tell me.

"I'm sure you can guess my dear."

* * *

Not only was I against the idea of stopping at the ruined farm, but so was Gandalf. I knew what happened next and was more than willing to be gone, despite the fact that I couldn't feel my butt or my legs from all the riding, I would've liked nothing more than to keep going.

"I think it would be wiser to move on." Gandalf began, moving into a private conversation with Thorin, one that the rest of us were not privy to. I knew what was being said though, not only from past experience but from the look on Thorin's face when Gandalf mentioned Rivendell being a possible destination, Fili and Kili were watching the horses, Bombur and Bofur were working on the supper, waiting for Oin and Gloin to have lit the fire whilst Nori cased the others for valuables, Balin and Dwalin were talking about the journey and Dori and Ori sat conversing with Bilbo. I realised that I was rather the odd one out in all of this, I had no one to talk to, no valuable skill and nothing to do right now, so I sat on the ground and closed my eyes, reliving the last few weeks of the journey, after we would reach the Mountain.

"How do you feel Miss Clary?" Nori said, sitting beside me, I nodded and pressed my lips firmly together.

"I feel sick... Always do before something bad happens." I replied, he nodded as well.

"Is something bad going to happen?" He asked, I looked at him with a raised eyebrow. "Just seems like you'd be the one to ask." I shrugged.

"I'm not sure. Depends on whether or not Thorin actually bothers to listen to Gandalf." I answered, leaving the Dwarf proverbially scratching his head.

Later that night, I went to help Bofur dish out the stew, accepting Bombur's spare bowl before settling by the fire, finishing my meal before going over what happened in a few minutes... The trolls.

* * *

"I hate to say I told you so but uh... Perhaps you ought to have listened to Gandalf." I hissed to Thorin as I lay across his legs in a burlap sack. He scowled down at me and then looked up as Bilbo began to try and distract the Trolls, tricking them into thinking that he had a secret for cooking Dwarfs.

"The secret to cooking Dwarf is to... Skin them first!" He said, loudly, the others were shouting that they wouldn't forget what he had said, and that they would skin him for saying it.

"It's true, you've got to get through that thick skin to get to the nice soft underneath." I added encouragingly, the Hobbit seemed grateful for this, despite no one else thinking the same.

"Tom, get me filleting knife." Bert said gruffly, another reaching over.

"What a load of rubbish. We've eaten plenty with their skin on, scoff them I say, boots and all." William said, Tom blinked.

"He's right, nothing wrong with a bit of raw Dwarf... Nice and crunchy." He said, lifting Bombur to his lips.

"Not that one!" I shouted, Bilbo took over as the Troll looked down at me.

"He's infected... Yeah he's got worms... In his tubes." Bilbo continued, I nodded supportively. "In fact they all are, infected with parasites. It's a nasty business, I wouldn't risk I really wouldn't." He finished, Bombur being thrown back onto the pile, crushing Fili's legs.

"What're you talking about? We don't have parasites! You have parasites." Kili shouted indignantly, I rolled my eyes and kicked him in the back of the head. Oin was the first to catch on to what Bilbo was doing, his eyes going wide.

"I've got parasites as big as my arm." He declared, Kili nodded.

"Mine are the biggest parasites, I've got huge parasites!" He exclaimed, the Dwarfs on the Troll's spit were shouting about their own parasites, saying how riddled they were.

"This little ferret...is taking us for fools!" Bert shouted, the other two looked confused.

"Ferret?" Bilbo cried, angry at the insult.

"Fools?" Tom asked, Gandalf tall figure clambering onto the boy behind the trolls.

"The dawn will take you all!" He said firmly, I heard the trolls briefly discuss whether or not they could eat him too before the blinding rays of sunlight hit us all. I closed my eyes and felt a cold shadow falling over me, opening one to see Fili stood there, dressed and out of his sack.

"Are you going to sleep there all day? Uncle wants to look for the Troll hoard, Gandalf said they had to have had one or they would have been stone much sooner." He said, helping me up, I noticed that his eyes followed me as I joined Bilbo in the middle of the clearing, stretching my arms above my head.

"How are you Bilbo" I asked, he shrugged and itched his nose, looking down at the floor. "What?" I added, frowning as he looked at me curiously.

"It's nothing really." He said, Nori popped his head out of the Trolls cave and called for Oin, the elderly Dwarf hurried over and disappeared into the cave, the expedition group returning with another man, this time he was taller and more fragile than the Dwarfs were and he was wearing raggedy modern clothing, like mine...

And I thought I recognised him.

"Dad?" I called, his blue eyes popping up to meet my brown ones. "Dad? How'd you get here?" I continued, rushing forwards as Oin sat him down on one of the logs.

"Oh, dear. I don't know. One minute I'm drinking Malibu in the bath and the next I'm being carried around by some, smelly over sized Gargoyle." He said, in a daze. "How did you get here?"

"Gandalf bought me, he said he needed me here." I answered, he frowned.

"Have you seen Chuck around?" I shook my head and felt annoyed that his first thought was for Chuck and not his own daughter.

"Why should I care where that man is? I don't like him." I replied, dad's eyes darkened into a stormy grey kind of colour.

"Because he is part of our family whether you like it or not and you will respect him the way you respect me." He snapped, Gloin had his hand tightening around his axe, silently begging me to allow him to bury the head of the axe in my father's skull. I shook my head and then crouched in front of the wreck of the man I once called father.

"You're tired and sick, you don't know what you're saying." I said slowly, as if to a child. He glared and then turned around to face away from me. "Fine, be that way." I added bitterly, getting up and striding to the other side of the clearing, feeling the need to butcher something small and innocent.

'I see that you weren't joking when you said your father was an odd one." Fili said, standing behind me, leaning against a tree with a smirk.

"Yeah well, we all have the scum of the gene pool in our lives." I replied, sighing and kicking a rock away from me.

"I don't think I do. My mother, Uncle and brother love me dearly and I have many cousins as well." Fili said, I laughed coldly.

"I suppose to abandoned one's family is incredibly dishonourable in Dwarven culture?" I asked, he nodded and then grabbed my hands.

"It is, and any one of us here would be honoured to deal with your father... I'll help you get away from him." He promised, his ocean blue eyes going on mine, he felt something. I could see it on his face, that boy-ish hopefulness glimmering in his eyes. My skin felt like it was being exposed to a furnace when he touched it, Dwarves just ran a shade hotter than humans it would seem.

It felt like forever could have passed in the minutes I spent staring into the Golden Prince's eyes, they were captivating and held secrets and emotions that I wanted to find out.

He felt something for me.

But I didn't feel the same way.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6: Running away with him.

"I'd like to see them try."

...

Those are words that to this day haunt me.

Fili had broken our staring contest, grabbing my hand in a tight vice and pulling me along as we ran, at the back of the pack between Dwalin and Nori. We waited behind an outcrop and then ran again.

Hide. Run. Hide. Run. Hide. Run. Hide. Run. Hide. Run. Wait.

"Ori no!" Thorin shouted, dragging the Dwarf back by his collar and shoving him into Dori's waiting arms. A warg stood above us, it's nose sniffing our scent out. I breathed heavily as Fili grabbed my hand, I looked back into his blue eyes and willed myself to be calm, he wasn't scared. It was my father that gave us away, his panicked screaming drew the rest of the pack to us when Dwalin, Kili and Bifur killed the one already here.

"Clary, I want you to stay right behind me. Do not wander away." Fili hissed, I nodded and clutched his sleeve, desperate not to be separated from this Dwarf.

"There's no way I'm leaving you, ever." I replied quietly, his eyes flickered to me with such a beautiful warmth in them before steeling for the incoming fight.

"Where's Gandalf?!" Dori shouted, I looked around and found that like him, I couldn't see the Wizard anywhere. Father grabbed my arm in fright, I jumped as he clung to me.

"He's abandoned us!" Dwalin replied, several of the Dwarfs made comments but I couldn't care less where Gandalf was, we were going to lose this fight anyway.

"Hold your ground!" Thorin ordered, each Dwarf brandishing a weapon, ready to take down however many Wargs and Orcs they would need to.

"This way, you fools!" Gandalf shouted from behind a rock, Bofur was the first down the slope. Then Bilbo, then Balin and then I lost track. I shoved dad down before I followed, Fili following before Kili and finally Thorin. Dad was clinging to me again, he was so scared I had a hard time remembering the last time he had been the strong, stoic man I used to know.

"Get off me." I muttered, shaking him off and approaching Fili, my hand bunching his sleeve as we all stared at the mouth of the cave in terror. "What's happening?" I asked as horns rang out, an Orc fell into our hidey hole, an arrow stuck in it's neck. Instinctively, Fili pushed me back, one hand holding a sword, the other still on my stomach, keeping me out of the way. Thorin pulled the arrow out and then threw it on the ground.

"Elves." He spat, I frowned and then nodded, recognising where we were now.

"I cannot see where the path way leads... Do we follow it or no?" Dwalin called, his head poking around the corner of a passage. Unsurprisingly, dad was the first to jump towards him.

"Follow it of course!" He squawked, taking the lead from Dwalin and powering on ahead.

"And you're related to that?" Kili asked with a flat look at me, I nodded.

"Somehow."

* * *

We edged along the thin pathway, Bifur having to shove Bombur every so often to avoid him getting completely stuck. The path soon widened, revealing the bright light of the afternoon sun and a waterfall in the distance, framing a golden city.

"The valley of Imladris. Known by another name in the common tongue." Gandalf said, almost relieved. "Here lies the last homely house east of the sea."

"Rivendell." Bilbo sighed, his eyes alight with wonder. Thorin turned sour and scowly in seconds, storming up to Gandalf who readied himself.

"So this was your plan all along? To seek refuge with the enemy." Thorin accused, I rolled my eyes and took a deep breath of the clean air.

"You have no enemies here, Thorin Oakenshield." Gandalf announced, staring at the Dwarf king disapprovingly. "The only ill will to be found here is that which you bring yourself."

"Do you think the Elves will give our quest their blessing? They will try to stop us." Thorin hissed, I feel like now would've been the point I'd have rolled my eyes and bitch slapped that arrogant toe rag, but as a Wizard versus a King, Gandalf didn't seem as willing to administer justice.

"Of course they will, but we have questions that need to be answered." Gandalf said, his eyes briefly passing over myself and dad, I frowned. Was that really necessary? "If we are to be successful, this will need to be handled with tact, respect and no small degree of charm." He continued, leading us down the rocky mountain path, Fili kept a tight grip on my hand the whole way, Kili didn't miss this fact, giving me a smirk that could only have meant a lifetime of mockery. "Which is why you shall leave the talking to me." He finished, stopping us at a single file bridge.

"Right, Master Baggins, you shall go first, accompanied by Mr Reynolds. Then Fili and Kili, Oin and Gloin. After them, Ori and Dori, Nori and Bofur, Bifur and Bombur and then lastly, Miss Reynolds and I. Gandalf should go first." Thorin decided, each Dwarf teaming up with his safety buddy.

"I feel like now is an excellent time to mention that I don't do heights." Dad said, trying to back away. With a frustrated sigh, Dwalin heaved him up onto his shoulder, flailing and screaming and crossed the bridge, dropping my dad in a pile on the floor which made me giggle. Bilbo crossed with Balin after Gandalf and so forth.

"You're not scared of heights are you?" Thorin asked, I shook my head.

"No, used to sneak out of my second story window almost every night to meet my mates." I replied, looking down over the edge and feeling my stomach dropping into the chasm below. "On second thoughts, that's a bit more than two stories." I added mentally, taking a deep breath before crossing the bridge.

As we regrouped, an elf floated gracefully down the steps in front of us.

"Mithrandir." He called, Gandalf looked at him in pleasant surprise.

"Ah Lindir. I must speak with Lord Elrond." Gandalf requested, I noticed Thorin lean over to Dwalin and mutter something before casting my father a filthy look.

"Lord Elrond is not here." Lindir replied, Gandalf's brow furrowed.

"Not here?... Where is he?" As Lindir opened his mouth, the same horns from earlier sounded from behind us. Immediately, Bilbo and I were dragged into the middle of a tightly packed Dwarf circle, eyes wide with fear as the others pulled out weapons.

Most of Gandalf's conversation with Elrond was in Elvish, I managed to catch a few things to do with the Orcs, but it wasn't enough to make a sentence.

"I knew Thròr when he ruled under the Mountain." Elrond said, I must zoned out because I couldn't for the life of me remember what he'd said before that.

"Indeed... He made no mention of you." Thorin replied rudely, I again wanted to roll my eyes and bitch slap him. The Elf spoke in Elvish, none of the others understood what he was saying, they all narrowed their eyes, some covering their ears, thinking it was a spell.

"What is he saying?!" Gloin asked dangerously. "Does he offer us insult?!" He shouted, the Dwarfs raising a ruckus in their ignorance.

"No Master Gloin he is offering you food." Gandalf placated, the Dwarfs discussed this for mere seconds, the Khuzdul flying straight over my head.

"Ah well, in that case lead on." Gloin announced, I sighed and shook my head, making to follow when the Elf Lord stopped me in my tracks.

"There's something different about you." He said, the company halted as Thorin shoved his way back to me.

"Uhm... I have boobs?" I suggested, the Elf turned pink, the Dwarves laughed.

"No, something in who you are." He tried, I held back my laughter and shrugged.

"What can I say... I am a woman surrounded by men." I answered, moving around him and following the crowd of Dwarfs.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7: Elf wine and corset troubles.

The Elves were very accommodating towards the Dwarves, despite there being a very one sided feud between the two races. They allowed us to wash in their bathrooms, which I took full advantage of whilst I could.

"Well, why is no one else bathing then?" I asked, after the company had declined the offer of a bath.

"Dwarves only bathe twice a year if we can get away with it Lass. There's at least another two days until we need to start thinking about that." Bofur said, I saw the gleeful smiles of Kili and Fili.

"Enjoy being filthy and sweaty then. I'll be staying away until you don't smell anymore." I said, one of them choked and then muttered under their breath in Khuzdul.

"Fine, have a bath early then Fee. I'm going to enjoy rolling around in the dirt for as long as possible." Kili said loudly, I shook my head turned to walk away, locking the door to the room Elrond had put me in. With a smile, I collected one of the soft towels, a wash cloth and the provided honey scented soap. The water in the bath was just the perfect 'boil a lobster in ten seconds flat' temperature when I stepped in, drawing a slow breath through my teeth and releasing once I was submerged.

I sat there for a good twenty minutes before washing my hair, working the honey soap through the curls, watching the water turning brown from the fact I hadn't washed it since three days before arriving in Middle Earth. After that, I made sure to scrub until I was turning pink, my skin sore from constant scrubbing. I lifted myself from the water, watching the droplets splash back into the tub; I wrapped the towel I had set out around myself and crossed back into the room. I found a gold dress slung across the bed, my traveling things were gone, including Fili's tunic. I stared for another ten minutes before deciding to put the dress on, getting stuck with the corset. I struggled with the laces for ages, a knock on the door saving me.

"Clary? We're waiting for you outside before we go to dinner." Bilbo called, I let out a frustrated growl before flinging open the door.

"What's got you so hot and bothered Lass?" Bofur asked with a frown, I turned around and showed him the laces.

"I can't get this bloody thing done up. Who in hell decided that women had to wear these ridiculous things? They're impractical and a hindrance to everyone!" I complained, the Dwarf laughed and quickly pulled the back of the dress tight, stopping once that had been done.

"Does it come with instructions?" He asked, I shook my head and sighed, a thin layer of sweat now covering my clean face.

"I might consider going naked if I can't do this damn thing." I muttered, hearing Bilbo splutter was worth the disapproving cluck I got.

"Oh get out of the way Bofur." Bombur said, making the corset bend to his will with ease. "My wife has the same trouble with these blasted things, I've taken to teaching my boys to lace them as well ready for their sisters."

"You have children?" I asked interestedly, he nodded and took on a proud grin.

"Oh aye, a lot of us do. Gloin has a bairn as well, Gimli. I've got two girls, twins, Ivanna and Irena. Bombur here has four Lads and two Lasses himself." Bofur replied, tucking my hand into the crook of his arm and leading Bilbo, Bombur and I to the other Dwarves. They had all at least changed into clean clothes, the effect it had on them as minimal compared with the fact that I was wearing a dress instead of Fili's tunic and my jeans. The blue boots however, had to stay because the Elves hadn't given me any other shoes to wear.

"Well, someone cleans up well." Nori commented, Dori elbowing him in the ribs roughly.

"A good colour on you Miss Reynolds." Dori said, I smiled and nodded in thanks.

"A horrendous waste of time if you ask me." Dad muttered bitterly, still wearing his raggedy clothing we'd saved him from the Trolls in. I watched as Gloin's face turned flaming red in anger, his hand drifting to his axe and griping it firmly.

"I suggest you refrain from repeating that Mr Reynolds." Thorin snapped, his demeanour had also changed to one of anger and insult.

"Oh don't waste your breath on him. I've put up with it for a long time, why did you think I really got kicked out." I said, they all looked at me in confusion. "Well, he and Chuck would sit and make nasty comments about the way I looked, or how I dressed. In the end, I may have accidentally broken one of Chuck's ribs and his nose." I admitted, the proud smirk on Fili's face made the recalled pain in my knuckles disappear. "I'll say, if I'd had the chance I'd have done more damage."

"Let's not keep Lord Elrond waiting any longer... Ah, Miss Reynolds, I wondered when you would show up." Gandalf said, leading us to the dining hall and sitting us all at the two tables provided. I took a seat between Ori and Gloin, passing bread rolls and salad bowls around the table.

"Try it... Just a mouthful." Dori said, a glass of wine in his hand as he watched Ori scrutinising a leaf of lettuce.

"I don't like green food." Ori said petulantly, I smiled and took a bit of cucumber. "Have they got any chips?" I cringed at the withering look the Dwarf received from his older brother.

"If you eat the white parts, they're really quite sweet Ori." I whispered, passing him a piece of white lettuce, he sniffed it cautiously and nibbled it. "See, it's not that bad is it?" He shook his head.

"What's this?" Dwalin was difficult through several bowls at once, a frown on his face. "Where's the meat?" I watched as Oin stabbed a piece of onion and glared at it before placing it back on his plate.

"That was incredible! What you said to the Elf Lord earlier! I don't think I've ever seen an Elf look that confused." Kili said excitedly, I shrugged.

"To be honest Kee... I doubt you've ever seen an Elf." Fili replied, I laughed loudly before covering my mouth and receiving a death glare from Kili.

"Well I agree... Fili is right." I muttered, he rolled his eyes and took a drink of wine. "I want some of that."

"Are you even old enough?" Fili asked teasingly, I scowled at him.

"Yes I am." I replied, he passed the glass over the table, watching with amusement as I sipped the liquid and immediately gagged. "Bloody hell that's way too sweet." I fired, passing it back to him and trying to ignore the laughter whilst gulping down my water.

"Elf wine always is." Balin said, I looked over at him with a curious expression. "Dwarves brew their drink strong and bitter."

"Like themselves?" I joked, he shrugged before nodding with a smile.

"Aye, they say a Dwarves drink is a reflection of himself. My father was particularly good at brewing dreadful turnip wine." He said, I watched as Dwalin shuddered.

"Good to get drunk on, but the after taste was like drinking soured milk." He said, I laughed at his pained expression.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8: Father dearest.

"Can't say I fancy Elf maids myself. Not enough hair." Kili said, noticing that Dwalin had caught him staring at an Elf. I watched as Dwalin leant across the table and stared at Kili intensely. "Although... That one there's not bad." I frowned and looked over at the Elf in question... Uh.

"That's not an Elf maid." Dwalin said quietly, the younger Dwarf looked horrified as he realised what he'd said, Bofur began to laugh at him, the two tables exploding in raucous laughter. I couldn't help myself laughing, I felt my eyes watering from how much I was laughing, Fili's elbow reminding me that it was an indelicate response at his brother's expense.

"Alright lads, that's enough." I said finally, they all groaned, except Kili who looked relieved and grateful.

"Change the tune why don't you... I feel like I'm at a funeral." Nori said, scowling at the Elf playing the flute behind him, I watched as Oin looked shocked.

"Did somebody die?" He asked, I shook my head.

"Alright Lads, there's only one thing for it." Bofur announced, climbing up onto a pedestal between the tables.

 _"There's an inn, there's an inn, there's a merry old inn_  
 _beneath an old grey hill,_  
 _And there they brew a beer so brown_  
 _That the Man in the Moon himself came down_  
 _one night to drink his fill._

 _The ostler has a tipsy cat_  
 _that plays a five-stringed fiddle;_  
 _And up and down he saws his bow_  
 _Now squeaking high, now purring low,_  
 _now sawing in the middle._

 _So the cat on the fiddle played hey-diddle-diddle,_  
 _a jig that would wake the dead:_  
 _He squeaked and sawed and quickened the tune,_  
 _While the landlord shook the Man in the Moon:_  
 _'It's after three!' he said._ "

I clapped along with the others, laughing as they stomped their feet to the beat, like they had in Bag End when washing Bilbo's dishes.

"Enjoying the Dwarf entertainment?" Elrond asked, I nodded as he made his way around me. I didn't feel very comfortable with him prowling around, his grey eyes watching me intently. "There are a few things I wished to ask you Lady Reynolds." He continued, stopping and clasping his hands in front of himself, watching me.

"What did you want to know?" I asked guardedly, he smiled thinly, no teeth.

"I wish to know where you have come from." He asked, I shrugged.

"From a farm upstate." I replied, he didn't seem amused by this, I felt sick, someone's eyes were fixed on me. I looked over at Fili, meeting this eyes, he got the message that I was feeling uncomfortable and came over, wrapping his arm around my waist and pulling me closer.

"What's going on?" He asked, Elrond cast him a disdainful look and swept away, joining Gandalf on the balcony and beginning a conversation. "What was that about?" He asked quietly, glancing at Thorin who nodded at the look his Nephew gave him, muttering to Dwalin and Balin.

"Elrond said he wanted to know things about me, where I came from and that sort of stuff... Something about him gives me the creeps." I replied as we walked to rejoin the company, all of them discreetly surrounding us.

"I'm going to talk to Uncle, wait here and don't stray from view." Fili muttered, I nodded and felt more nervous than I had before, I noticed that Kili had floated to my side, striking up a conversation with Nori about "borrowing" things from the others. I couldn't wait anymore, I tapped Dori on the shoulder, waiting for him to turn around before smiling.

"I'm going back to my room." I said, he nodded and then continued to stare at me.

"I'll escort you." He said, I nodded and fought the need to roll my eyes, obviously whatever Thorin had said to Dwalin and Balin was enough to keep the Dwarves on close guard. As we walked, Dori and I kept a comfortable silence, until the questions got too much to keep quiet.

"Sorry, can I just ask why everyone's acting so protectively?" I said quickly, Dori glanced at me and then smiled warmly.

"Women are very rare to Dwarves. We protect them with our lives if we must, they rarely travel except with great need and even then they travel in disguise of men. What was getting Fili so worked up Miss Reynolds?" He asked, I shrugged.

"I wasn't comfortable with Elrond's questions, I just looked at him and he knew something was wrong. Apparently having two people was too scary for that poncy Elf and he ran away to talk with Gandalf and Fili pulled me back into a Dwarf circle." I answered, he nodded and then smiled again, this time more distractedly. "Why?"

"It's just as I said, Dwarf instincts." He said happily, I nodded disbelievingly and let the subject alone. "I expect someone will be outside your door all night to make sure no Elf comes in to you." He added, leaving me outside my door and heading back to the company. I nodded and entered the room, shutting the door and sighing. On my search through the drawers, someone knocked on my door once.

"Come in." I called, someone entered soundlessly, I turned around and saw my dad stood there, staring at his hands. "What do you want?" I asked, almost not wanting to know.

"Is it a crime to want to talk to my own daughter?" He snapped, with a roll of my eyes, I found a night dress in the bottom drawer and threw it on the bed. "I think you should talk to Lord Elrond, tell him about what happened to you and why you're really here." I gave him a frown and then crossed my arms.

"Why?" I demanded, he shifted nervously and looked out of the open door.

"I asked him earlier, at dinner, if he could send us home!" He said excitedly, grabbed my elbows and grinning. "He said that as long as we both agreed, we could! Lord Elrond knows a way to get us home." I stepped back and shook my head, his face fell. "Why? This is a brilliant idea! I'll get to see Chuck again and you'll get to live your life safely!" He kept talking, I shook my head and felt like nothing else was going into my head.

You know that feeling when you get devastating news and the world goes silent? I had that numb feeling.

* * *

"So, he wants you to go home with him and give up being here?" Gandalf said, I nodded as we walked through the gardens of Rivendell together. I was wearing a royal blue dress, minus the stupid corset. "What do you think?"

"I think he's doing it for his own reasons rather than my interests." I replied, dragging the hem of my dress along and freeing some of the leaves that had gotten caught. "Why would I want to go back?"

"Why wouldn't you?" He challenged, I smiled and clasped my hands in front of myself, Lord Elrond approaching us. I steeled my nerves and kept the smile on my face. "Ah, Lord Elrond. Just the Elf we were looking for."

"Indeed, what can I do for you both?" He asked, I took a deep breath.

"I am ready to answer your questions." I replied, he smiled and led Gandalf and I to his office before calling for wine, which I declined.

"When I asked your father my questions last night, he was vague and indirect as to the information concerning yourself... Where did you come from?" Elrond asked, I took another deep breath.

"I came from another place my Lord, London in fact. It's quite far from Middle Earth in general." I said, he nodded. "Dad lived further away, on the otherside of the country intact, he moved to Edinburgh when I was twelve... My mother died two years later and I had to move to live with him... About two or three years later he kicked me out and I went to university." I continued.

"What was his reason for making you leave?" I shrugged.

"I only know my reason for leaving." I did, he look expectant. "He and his male partner were always making cruel remarks about me, his partner ended up in hospital with injuries and I got thrown out of the house."

"What is your purpose on Thorin Oakenshield's journey?"

"I don't know. But I have a sneaky suspicion it has something to do with the endgame. Which I can't tell you." I said clearly, he nodded and seemed deep in thought.

"I assume your father has told you of the offer I made him." I nodded once and the to keep my face expressionless. "Have you given the matter any thought?"

"I have."


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9: Wants and wishes.

 _"I have_."

* * *

In one of my hands was the hem of my dress, I had gotten sick of it dragging along the floor, collecting all manner of things. In the other I held a vial of silver blue liquid, I was supposed to drink the stuff... It would send me home. As I turned a corner, I quickly stashed the vial in my research pocket, keeping it my little secret as Kili ran over to me with Ori close behind.

"Clary! We've been looking for you everywhere!" Kili called, I smiled tightly and then stopped in front of him. "Where have you been?"

"With Gandalf talking to Elrond, don't worry about that either, Gandalf kept everything cordial." I said, he nodded and settled to let the issue slide. "This is unusual, where's your brother?" Kili smirked.

"Concerned are you?" He asked slyly, I rolled my eyes and pinched his shoulder hard, it hardly bothered him at all. "I'm sorry, did you pinch me?" He asked, I sighed. "Fee's on the field with Thorin, they're sparring, we just came in for the toilet."

"That's more than I needed to know actually. Lead on." I said, turning around so that I could follow them both. We came to the field, all of the Dwarves were sparring with each other, except Dori and Oin who were sitting on a blanket with Bilbo on the edge of the fighting. "I'll go and sit with Dori." I said, the pair nodded and moved away from me as I squinted at the grey, angry sky.

"I think it's likely to rain." Balin shouted over the noise of his match with Bofur, I nodded and met Fili's eyes, hiding my guilt as I smiled at him.

"Hadn't you better go inside then? Since none of you are scheduled to bathe for another day or so?" I called, hearing some of them agreeing but most of them not.

"It'll be fine." Dwalin replied gruffly. "Training in the rain improves footwork." He added, straining against Thorin. With a roll of my eyes, I looked over at Bilbo, who was staring at the ground with a pink face.

"What's up little Dude?" I asked, he looked at me in shock and then smiled, turning even pinker.

"I was just thinking about some of the books I've read here. They've been quite interesting." He replied quietly, I smiled.

"In what way?" I questioned, he didn't answer, Bilbo cleared his throat and got up, making excuses about needing to find Gandalf.

"Do you want a go Clary?" Fili called, a massive grin on his sweaty face, I laughed and shook my head.

"Oh I'd love to but I'm afraid this dress might have something to say about it." I replied, he laughed and then shook his head, jogging over and offering me his hand. "You're not serious are you?" He nodded, I laughed again and then took his hand, allowing him to pull me up.

"Of course, no woman should be let defenceless."

"Well then I'm afraid I'm quite useless." I argued, running along with him to an empty corner of the field. "Alright then, what first?" Fili didn't say anything, just laughed loudly and beckoned Kili over.

"I want you to attack Kili." He instructed, I frowned and stopped smiling. "Go on, he's a lot more solid than he looks." Fili added, putting one of his swords in my hand, it was much too heavy for me.

"I'm sorry if I get you Kili."

* * *

"I said I was sorry! What do you want me to do? Get on my knees?" I asked, Kili nodded and crossed his arms as Oin stitched up his bicep. What had happened was that I'd been swinging the sword when Kili had run past me, so the accident really wasn't even my fault.

"Yes, I'd rather get you down on your knees begging." He replied as I choked on my water, Oin said something in Khuzdul and gave the Prince a stern look. "I don't see anything wrong with what I said." He argued, more Khuzdul came, and this time no reply was gracing Oin, just an eye roll. I coughed violently, doubling over as Bifur slapped my back twice, I waved him off and thanked him.

"Thank you Bifur." I then stood back up and patted my pocket, where the vial was just to make sure it has to fallen out whilst we were sparring. "I've got to talk to my father, I'll see you all at dinner." I muttered, heading out of the room, rain was pouring down outside, the direction I needed to go. "Oh fantastic." I said sarcastically, scowling as I stepped out into the downpour.

Dripping wet, I made it to Dad's room and hesitated, did he really deserve to be given this privilege? After all, he had been a constant thorn in the sides of the company, it made sense to get rid of him, but at the same time I felt like he should suffer for being such a terrible father these past six years. I stepped away from the door and looked at the floor, seeing the puddle that was growing around my dress, hearing the drips of the water leaving the ends of my drenched hair and splashing onto the floor. I didn't hear the Pale Elf joining me as I stared at the vial of liquid I now held in my hand.

"A choice lies before you." She said lightly, I whipped around and stared wide eyed at her. "Do not be afraid of it." Her lips weren't moving. "I am Galadriel, the Lady of Light, Clarisse Reynolds." I nodded and bowed awkwardly at the waist.

"My Lady." I replied mentally, knowing she could hear me perfectly.

"This choice should not be made lightly, there are others whose council you should seek before your mind is made." She whispered, I nodded and one face popped into my head. "Go to him." I bowed again and then ran away from the Elf, breathing heavily until I came back to going outside, I took a deep breath and ran into the rain again, feeling like a child for racing through the rain with another life in my hand.

"Clary!?" Fili shouted, I looked over my shoulder and saw him stood with the other Dwarves under the porch and out of the rain. "Come here, you'll catch cold!" I shook my head with a frown and resumed my running, the bottom of my dress and my boots caked in mud. I ran until I couldn't breathe anymore, stopping at a cliff and collapsing in a heavy breathing heap on the floor. Now on my knees, I bowed my head and closed my eyes in prayer... Not to God you see, to Mahal, the father of the Dwarves. I asked him for guidance, begging that he guide me to the right choice, I never expected a reply, but the rain became heavier, claps of thunder breaking and flashes of lightning blinding.

"Before me is a choice Mighty Father! Guide me in my choice! I am not asking that you tell me what to do, but some help would be nice!" I said, deafened by the thunder.

I sat out there in the rain for what felt like eternity but was really more like four hours, I mean mum had always said I had poor time keeping skills but I never thought they were that bad.

The choice I faced was simple.

Go home and forget about everything the Dwarves were facing and be miserable.

Or

Send Dad home and be happy but know in my heart that I'd never ever see him again and then be miserable.

Huh... Decisions decisions.

* * *

Fili POV:

"Clary?!" I shouted, seeing the girl running away from the cover of the city, she turned to look at me, her red hair sticking to her. "Come here! You'll catch cold!" She shook her head with a frightened look and kept going. I sighed, there was no stopping her but she was making me nervous. "I've got to go after her." I said to Gloin, feeling his hands closing around my arms.

"No Laddie, best let the Lady deal with her problem in her own way." He said, I strugled against the older, stronger Dwarf.

"But she needs me!" I grunted, he shook his head.

"If she hasn't told you yet then you must assume it's none of your business Lad." I froze. "Has the Lass even accepted your courting wishes?"

"I haven't presented myself yet." I muttered, stopping my struggle and giving up. Gloin was right in some ways, Clary would come to me when she was ready. "She'll come to me when she's ready."

"Why would she go to you?" Kili asked.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10: Just do it?

Clary POV:

I felt heavy with water as I trudged back to Rivendell, about half an hour after the rain had stopped. Everyone would be at dinner by now, probably wondering where I was or what in the world could possibly have meant more than going to dinner and staying dry and warm.

Whilst praying to Mahal, I had pondered what I felt towards the Dwarves and why I would stay here. I then wondered what would happen if I didn't stay, and I think that scared me more. Gandalf was sat with his pipe where the company had been earlier, he smiled at me and then frowned when he saw my dress sticking to me like a second skin.

"What on earth has happened?" He asked, I shook my head and smiled weakly.

"Nothing, I was just... Thinking." I answered weakly, shivering delicately, which he noticed. "Would it be any trouble for you to gather the company in the dining area when they're ready? Perhaps Lord Elrond and Lady Galadriel and my dad as well." The Wizard nodded and left to gather the requested people. I, however, went to have a bath and warm myself up.

* * *

Everyone was in the dining hall waiting for me, I glanced at the frowning Thorin and then the smiling Elves and Wizard before standing in the middle of all of them, Dad coming in, late as usual.

I turned to look at Lord Elrond, whose grey eyes seemed to already know what I was going to say and do.

"This morning, you asked me where I had come from and I told you the truth, you then gave me this." I removed the vial from my pocket and held it for everyone to see. "You said it would take me home." He nodded, I then nodded and turned to my father. "You told me to accept this offer and follow you home to live normally and boringly." He nodded. "Well, I don't want normal or boring Dad, I want exciting and new." Thorin shifted his weight as he took in the information I gave, his nephews looked concerned and ready for my conclusion. I knew this because I was looking at them. "For close to two months I have travelled amongst these Dwarves and I have to say, I feel more alive than ever." Dad scoffed.

"That's saying something." He snorted, I looked at him over my shoulder.

"Excuse me?" I said shortly, he scoffed.

"Don't act like you don't already know... You really don't know?" I shook my head. "I buried you the morning I came here. That train accident killed you Clarisse, you've been dead for nearly three months my girl." He was gleeful about this, smiling happily as he told those lies.

"Lies." Fili hissed, Gandalf shook his head.

"I'm afraid I have also suspected as much Master Fili, the coldness, the stiff, numb legs. It seems that the effects of dying are catching up with you Miss Reynolds." He said.

"My girl, your death was by far the best thing that's happened to you in a long time... Best thing to me as well really, Chuck and I didn't have to worry about your feelings anymore... Not that we really cared to begin with."

"You're a poisonous bitch Dad." I spat, eyes welling with tears.

"So I am, I wondered where you got it from." He sneered, in seconds he was pinned to the ground by Gloin, who was spitting what I could only hope was death threats in Khuzdul. Fili's hands were on my shoulders, as I shivered again, he was as hot as a furnace and I basked in his heat for as long as I could. I closed my eyes and leaned back into him, his strong chest against my back comfortingly, each of his breaths calmed me into a mushy, love struck teenager but God I loved it.

"What is your answer Lady Reynolds?" Elrond asked.

"Lady Galadriel told me to seek one person's council." I opened my eyes and looked into Fili's blue ones, searching for the answer I needed and receiving it. The vial felt like a niggling doubt in the back of my mind as I focused in this Dwarf in front of me. "I know." I said out loud, more to myself than to anyone else.

With a deep breath. I took Fili's hand and squeezed it before stepping forward and placed my other hand on Gloin's shoulder, removing him from my father. I crouched down and started directly into his brown eyes, swallowing thickly and feeling tears overflowing.

"You're my father and somehow I love you... But I don't need or want you here." I whispered, his expression didn't change. "You are the human equivalent of Uncle Andrew and I Diggory." I added, placing the vial to his lips. "I want you to go home." He took the liquid and swallowed it. "And I don't ever want to see you again. You will never see me getting married, you will never see your grandchildren and I will never see you again." My voice broke as he began to disappear. "I love you daddy." I whispered, hugging him tightly, feeling the empty space when he was gone.

"Clary?" Fili said softly, crouching beside me as I broke down. "I'll take you back to your room." I nodded and clung to him as I cried. "I won't leave you tonight." He promised, pushing open my door and closing it behind us, sitting beside me on the bed.

"Have I done the right thing?" I asked, hearing no reply Fili rubbed my back and tried to soothe me. "I'm turning Twenty-nine in four days and I'm falling for a man that may not even like me."

"I'm sure he does." Fili replied, I worried that he was tired of the crying and so tried to suck it up and stop. "If you need to cry then let it out. What kind of a husband will I be if I cannot deal with my wife crying because she hurts?" He added gently, I felt fresh tears at the memory of the story's end.

"What kind of a woman would you marry?" I asked, trying to distract myself and get it together. Fili snorted and then laughed.

"Someone different to the Dwarrow I have met in my years, someone smart and funny and someone who knew how to fight." He listed.

"Well... I enjoy being quiet, long walks on the beach and pranking people." There was a silence, a comfortable one mind you.

"She would have to be able to put up with Kili because I will never leave my brother, there would have to be a tolerance of Uncle because he will be King and no wife of mine would ever be allowed to disrespect my mother." Another silence passed as I slumped into the Dwarf's shoulder, relaxing and wiping away my tears, face sore from the episode.

"I can't cook."

"Neither can I."

"I don't look good in a dress."

"Wouldn't mater, I look rather fetching in a dress."

"I love to dance and sing."

"Both are traditionally taught to Prince's by their mothers, I am skilled in both and play an instrument."

"I sleep on the left side on the bed." I was beginning now to notice our faces had been moving closer together in our competition, I grinned toothily at the Golden Prince as he shook his head and frowned playfully.

"Now that would be a problem, the left side is mine."

"I'm sure we could come to an agreement."

"As am I, but the left side is mine." Fili teased, I looked down at the bed and smirked.

"I'm on the left side of a bed right now... Fight me for it." I suggested, he shook his head and physically moved me, swapping our sides.

"I'd win."

"Without a doubt." I agreed, our faces mere inches from each other when Kili barged in.

"You'll never guess what Uncle just told me Fee!"


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11: Bath time.

I leapt away from the blonde Dwarf as his brother invaded our privacy, throwing himself on the bed with a grin.

"Well go on then Kili, what did Thorin tell you?" I asked, he shook his head with a twinkle in his eye.

"Uh uh, I am not telling you that." He said cheerfully, I rolled my eyes and got up, brushing down my skirt and clearing my throat.

"Fine then, I will go and find Ori, perhaps he will accompany me to the library." I said, leaving the brothers in my room, hearing the quiet Khuzdul beginning. As I walked, I came across Nori arguing with Ori. Their argument stopped as I approached them, both Dwarves bowed at the waist before Nori left, giving his brother a nasty look. "What was that about?" I asked rhetorically, Ori didn't answer but I smiled nonetheless. "Would you accompany me to the Library Master Ori?" I continued, he brightened and nodded.

"I would." He answered, walking with me to the library, talking animatedly about the passages he hoped to find amongst Elrond's book collection. I wasn't entirely sure what I was looking for, but hoped I'd know it when it was found.

"If it isn't unacceptable to ask... How do Dwarfs know when they're in love?" I questioned, Ori frowned. "You don't have to answer if it isn't something I should ask."

"It is allowed to be asked, but I'm not sure I'm entirely the right Dwarf to answer that. It's rather a difficult thing to explain to an outsider." He replied, I nodded. Ori was a lot older than he gave off, in fact I think it was stated in the books that Kili was the youngest with Ori being at least five years older than even Fili was.

"Oh, right. Okay then, I'll see you when we surface." I joked, parting with Ori and heading down an aisle, keeping my eyes peeled for what I was looking for. Most of the books were in Elvish with an English translation, but I managed to find a few written in Ancient Khuzdul with their translations written in the back. Whoever had translated the passages had incredible hand writing, all clear and legible. I picked out a stack of books, making use of the comfortable benches dotted around, picking a spot out by the window, in the warmth of the sun.

An hour later, Dwalin came through the library, spotted me buried in a book, scribbling on a piece of paper randomly, I looked up at him when he cleared his throat.

"Where's Ori?" Dwalin asked, I shrugged and looked over to my left where I spotted him moving between the bookshelves.

"Over there... Why? Are e leaving soon?" I asked, he shook his head and called Ori over.

"Bath time."

* * *

Another hour had passed since Ori and Dwalin had gone, my hand was now beginning to cramp something bad, so I had to stop writing. When I sighed, I looked out of the window and saw something that scared me deeply for the rest of my life.

Thirteen naked Dwarves in an Elven fountain.

...

I rolled my eyes and rose from my seat, popping my knee caps before heading to ask what they were doing, running into a horrified Lord Elrond and Lindir, who had been talking, presumably about the Dwarves.

"It's disgusting isn't it? Think of all that body hair." I said, coming up behind them, Lindir gagged and covered his mouth before running off. "I suggest burning that water after they're done."

"Will you talk to them and suggest they move to the bath house?" Elrond asked, I shrugged and raised both eyebrows as splashing and cheering came from the fountain. "It appears that they're playing some kind of game." I looked around him, seeing Kili on Nori's shoulders who was on Dwalin's shoulders wrestling with Bofur, on top of Ori, on top of Gloin.

"They're playing chicken." I explained, he frowned. "It's a game usually played in water because it's safer than playing it on land...although there is a land version which involves the reckless endangerment of your own life." I added, he nodded and clasped his hands behind his back, sweeping away from the scene as I groaned and rubbed my face before covering my eyes and walking forwards. "What in hell are you doing?" I asked, the splashing stopped.

"We're bathing Lass, what does it look like?" Bofur said, I tilted my head.

"I wouldn't know, I'm not looking at you... Because you're in the nude." I replied, they all laughed maniacally. "You do realise that this isn't a bath right? It's a fountain."

"What does it matter?" Thorin said, I rolled my eyes behind my hand and shifted my weight onto my left leg.

"It matters because they're being accommodating this time around and you're being thoroughly embarrassing... I don't suppose there's any chance you've got a plan for getting rid of all the hair? Have you?"

"Why bother removing it?" Fili called, I pressed my lips together and tried to keep my filthy mind off the thought of a naked golden Prince. "We aren't animals you know, we don't shed."

"Why do I doubt that?" I replied, hearing the laughter and then feeling someone's hands clasping my upper arms, one of them pulling my hand away from my eyes. I came face to face with the wet, smiling faces of both the golden and silver Prince's, they were both grinning but had at least got the sense to wrap towels around their waists. "Oh I don't need to see this."

"Oh yes you do." Kili said, I rolled my eyes as he pulled me closer to the fountain, I kept my head down, not out of respect for their privacy, but out of self respect and the fact that my face had burned crimson. "You know you love a bit of naked Dwarf."

"Kili, this really doesn't feel appropriate." I hissed, trying to break his grip.

"But I thought you wanted to know what Uncle told me yesterday." He whispered in my ear, his hot breath brushing over my hair.

"Yesterday?" I questioned incredulously, he nodded.

"You and Ori have been in that library for ages!" He exclaimed, grinning widely. "What were you reading?"

"I think that was about the battle of the Dimril Dale actually. I had a hard time reading the Khuzdul translations." I admitted, Thorin's head snapped round to glare at me venomously. "Don't worry, I didn't learn any of it. I couldn't read it let alone pronounce any of it." I promised, he seemed to relaxed at that.

"Interesting was it? Learning about Dwarf history?" Dwalin asked angrily, I shook my head and frowned.

"I thought it was sad." I replied he looked shocked. "It made me angry at how much detail the Elves give about the various injuries and deaths. It felt almost gleeful as I read it, read about how you tore down all the trees to give your fallen the proper send off they deserved and that's why no trees grow on the Dimril Dale." I continued, he looked reminiscent as I spoke. "It was heartbreaking to read about the Burned Dwarves."

"Come on, Kili and I need to change. We'll take you back." Fili said quietly, I nodded and followed him away from the company, forcing my eyes not to wander onto his bare legs or chest. Several of the Elf women didn't bother hiding their obvious gaping at the pair of Prince's, I felt a twinge of red hot anger racing through my veins as one of them openly did a double take and swooned. Speeding up, I grabbed Fili's arm and stopped him, Kili stopping a few steps ahead.

"The elves are staring." I whispered, he smirked and shrugged.

"So? Let them." He reasoned, I sucked my bottom lip in and then grabbed him again, stopping him from moving.

"They're staring at you."

"Are you jealous?" He mocked, with a frown I nodded.

"Yes, I am."


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12: Kiss me hard before you go.

" _Yes, I am."_

* * *

Fili stared at me dumbly as I kept his eyes, mine fiery and alive and his melting in their heat.

"I am jealous because they're looking at you." I repeated, he didn't react. "Say something?"

"You're getting the back view." He wheezed, I growled angry and punched his shoulder as hard as I could, hearing my knuckle popping and watching him flinch.

"It's not fucking funny Fili! I don't care that I have a good view of your arse, I care that Elf bitches are staring and swooning at my bloody man!" I shouted, Kili looked over at us so quickly I'm sure he got whiplash. I kept my frown going as I glared around at the Elves watching us. "Do you mind?! I'm sure you wouldn't like it if I went around staring at your half naked men would you?" They all turned and began to bustle around with soon their own business.

"Clary, clam down." Fili said carefully.

"No, I will not calm down I am pissed off with the fact that you think this is okay!" I exclaimed, his hand pulling me around the face his now beaming smile and bright eyes. The silence was golden as we stared at each other again, for seconds before Kili sighed and called to his brother in Khuzdul. Fili glanced at him before wrapping an arm around my waist, pulling me into him until we were millimetres apart.

You know in movies when you know there's about to be a kiss and the effects make the couple seem like they're the only thing in the world that could possibly matter? Like when the music slows down and sets the mood of the scene, then there's the epic clashing of the mouths and it's all pretty and climactic and pretty?

Our first almost kiss wasn't like that. No, we were interrupted by Kili.

This one was basically no different in the sense that Fili headbutted me accidentally. We broke apart, I massaged the now aching spot on my head as he apologized repeatedly for hurting me.

"I uh... I think I'm going to go back to my room and lie down." I muttered leaving the Dwarf brothers to argue. I briefly heard Kili encouraging Fili to run after me and finish what he'd started, and I wished that he would rather than chickening out of it like a little girl. When I shut the door, I leaned against it with a grin and then laughed, pressing my hand to my mouth as I tried to stifle the sound.

It was most amusing time, that we danced around each other delicately.

The bath in my room was piping hot when I had run it, adding some of the orange scented oil to it, getting in and relaxing.

My thoughts once again returned to Fili, and what he had looked like in noting but a towel. His chest was chiseled to perfection, all harsh lines and six packs. Bulging biceps, but incredibly subtle, his skin was so clear I could've used a Sharpie to connect the fine white scars that littered it. Dripping wet, he was a God, one that I would've worshipped all day everyday if I could've . Fili and his hair, the little droplets like diamonds scattered throughout his braids, mixing with the flat grey, iron beads signifying his status and house and those eyes! Oh God those eyes, I could get so lost in them and not surface for love nor money if he'd let me. He was the perfect representative of the best of the gene pool and I think...

Well, I think I was falling in love with him... If I hadn't already.

I thought of what our future might be like if he survived the end. A courtship to be envied, a beautiful wedding and then after all that... Little blonde and red haired children running around, perfect images of him, I wanted them to be perfect, blue eyes and not messed up by my Heterochromia. Creamy skin and strong, proud features, built up into fierce warriors and skilled diplomats.

That would be expected of them as children of a Prince.

Someone knocked on my door, I panicked and reached for my towel, leaping out of the bath and running to see who it was, slipping a little before looking out of the window. Stood there was Bilbo, who looked pink in the face with his hands clasped behind his back.

"Good morning Master Baggins, I'm afraid I cannot open the door in my current state of undress." I called, he jumped a foot in the air. "That and the fact that you can't keep your legs together at the mental image of naked hot Dwarves." I added in my head, cheeks turning red at the thought.

"Oh yes then uhm... I wished to invite you on a walk through the gardens Miss Reynolds, Gandalf mentioned how much you had enjoyed the flowers when he had taken you there." He replied, I smiled and then removed myself from the window.

"I would love to Bilbo, I'll just get changed." He moved away from the door, standing on the other side of the corridor and looking out across the field. I exhaled slowly and dug out a light pink, floaty dress that hung off the shoulders and had little red roses embroidered along the hem. I decided to try the slippers the Elves had left after taking my boots, finding them comfortable and easy to walk in. I simply tugged my hair into a side bun before opening the door and smiling at Bilbo. "Shall we go then?"

* * *

"I enjoy gardening, it's something my mother always did with me, she was passionate about plants and their growth, kept a diary about different types of the same flower." Bilbo continued, I nodded and smiled politely, this was the second time he'd gone on about himself, I found it wearing but interesting to learn something about the Hobbit beside the fact that the Dwarves thought he was utterly useless. "My father was never much of a green thumb, he preferred to write and be generally bad tempered, we never really got on." Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Fili with his back to me, talking with Thorin and apparently whatever the matter was, it didn't make either of them happy. "What about you?"

"No one in my family was particularly good with anything they had to look after for extended periods of time. I mean, look how I turned out." I replied, he laughed and then shook his head.

"I think you turned out just fine." Cheap compliments? I thought he was better than that. "I should very much like to... To... Oh bother."

Wait, why is he leaning in? Why are his eyes closed? Is he trying to- Oh Mahal! He is trying to! I stepped backwards, causing poor Bilbo to fall forwards over the bench between us and accidentally face plant my cleavage. I let out a cry, which drew in attention as I pushed him away with a flaming red face and a racing heart. Bilbo's face was a picture of horror as he took in what he'd done by accident and clutched the bush behind himself in order to stay upright.

"I am terribly sorry!" He shouted, face crimson with embarrassment and shame, I shook my head and wrapped both arms around myself. "Oh dear, I hope I wasn't to forthcoming."

"I think you are perfectly aware that boundaries have been over stepped and that your advances were most certainly not required." I said quickly, panting as I tried to wrap my head around why he'd done this. "What in the name of Mahal were you thinking?"

"It's just you've been so kind and friendly and I must have read the situation wrong." He explained hurriedly, Thorin storming our way with Orcrist draw and ready to be used. "Oh dear Green Mother deliver me." Bilbo squeaked, tripping over his own feet in his haste to get away from me and the furious Dwarf chasing him down.

"What in Durin's name is going on?" Thorin demanded, his blue eyes alive with anger. My mouth opened and closed like a fish out of water as I scrambled to answer the question. "Do not worry, the Hobbit shall not get away with such a dishonourable act." Thorin stormed off, shouting in Khuzdul at the top of his voice, the words carrying all over Rivendell.

"What's he saying?!" I demanded of Fili as he took me in his arms, nuzzling the top of my head adoringly.

"He is saying that there is nowhere Master Baggins can hide that he will not be found." He answered, I nodded and grasped the front of his tunic in both of my hands. "He is also ranting about how furious his ancestors are and that the fury of the Dwarves is upon him." He continued, my skin pimpled as Fili ran his hands over my hips, resting them there with a sigh. "I like the colour pink on you."

"Thank you... What did Thorin tell Kili the other day?" I asked, he chuckled and took a deep breath through his nose, smelling my hair?

"He accepted it."

"Accepted what?"

"This."


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13: Egos and courting.

It was like nothing I had imagined it being.

I had imagined hot, fast passion not this slow, loving caress.

Fili was different to how most Fanfiction described him, he wasn't rough or dirty minded. He was gentle and patient, his soft lips glided against my own, careful and curious.

We broke apart.

Our eyes met and suddenly I felt it.

That magical connection that everyone was raging about. A sense of completion, like finding a missing piece to a finished puzzle and being completely done with the puzzle because it was completed. Although, I always liked to laminate the finished product, make it final so I didn't have to bother re-doing it in the future.

I kissed him again, wanting to feel the shock again but it didn't come. The cold beads on his mustache kissed my cheeks individually, a smile pulling across my face and his.

"Waited long have you?" I whispered, hearing his laugh.

"All my life." We laughed together as our foreheads touched, eyes closed in bliss.

Kili POV:

"Move Bofur, you're in my way!" I hissed, nudging the older Dwarf as Fili wrapped his arms around Clary, a flesh cage to protect her. Behind me, Dori was on his tip toes, watching as well, Balin and some of the others opposite us.

"Shut up it's going to happen!" Gloin whispered excitedly, Fee's lips moved before they touched hers, we clutched each others arms and hopped in joy, whispered shouts of glee ringing from all of us, even Uncle, who was still standing over by Gandalf, who was protecting the Hobbit, cracked a smile at Fee's happiness.

"Looks like we're getting a wedding to plan." Bombur said, as my brother laid his forehead against Clary's, my new sister laughing happily. I sighed, leaning against Bofur who chuckled and patted my head twice before pushing me off, unbalancing all of us and sending the Dwarf tower toppling to the ground in a groaning heap.

"How did I know?" Fili said, standing over me with his hands on his hips as Little Sister helped some of the others up.

"What? I engineered this entire thing! I should be allowed to watch." I exclaimed, he rolled his eyes and pulled me up, I clung to him tightly before letting go and stepping back with a wide grin. "Alright! Who owes me money?"

* * *

Clary POV:

I laughed until I couldn't breathe after the Dwarves had toppled out of their hiding places, Kili and Fili having a moment before Kili loudly asked who owed him money.

"It's lovely to see you playing wagers again Kili." I said, he shrugged mischievously and the winked.

"How else are we paying for this wedding Little Sister?" He replied cheekily, I blushed as he cackled. "Just kidding!"

"Oh good, you really had me going for a moment there." I said sarcastically, fingers intertwined with Fili's. There was a chant coming on, they were chanting the word braid over and over again.

"Braid, braid, braid, braid, braid."

From his pocket, Fili produced a single bead bearing the crest of Durin on it. He held it up for the others to see before looking at me.

"Do you accept this?" Oin asked, I nodded with a big smile on my face.

"I do."


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14: Leaving and beginning.

Twelve days after leaving Rivendell, it was as we crossed over the Bruinen again that I began to realise just how much I'd have to do to keep the line of Durin intact. It started when Thorin left Kili to cross last, only he, Fili and I watching him. The current wasn't very strong at our chosen crossing point and I had grown up swimming in difficult waters, but the Dwarves weren't as used to such currents, and Kili, evidently, wasn't a very strong swimmer.

"How's it going Kili?" I called, he gave my a thumbs up as he waded through the water. I swear to Mahal, I turned my back on him for ten seconds and he had been swept under, his voice cried out to his brother desperately. I watched as Fili tried to throw himself in, Thorin only just getting a hold of his collar.

"Just hold on Kee! I'm coming!" He shouted, his brother's head bobbing and dipping in the water.

It was a split second decision for me, I stripped off my coat and under coat, leaving myself in my shirt and leggings as I kicked off my boots. Bilbo reached out and failed to catch my arm the way Thorin had with Fili. Once in the water, it was only a matter of time before my hands clasped in Kili's quiver strap, pulling him to the surface. It was a relief to hear his gasps, but he was panicking, splashing and shouting.

"Kili, calm down!" I said calmly, holding him still with much difficulty. His head whipped around and his brown eyes met mine, he was shocked. "Try not to struggle!"

"I can't help it, my boots lodged." He replied, I nodded and then looked down, unable to see through the foam and splashing.

"I want you to stay calm and wave you arms like I am okay? That'll keep you floating, and try to stay still and not kick me." I ordered, taking a deep breath and diving under the water, opening my eyes and ignoring the sting, pulling at Kili's boot until I had dislodged it from between two heavy rocks. I resurfaced with a smile. "You need to trust me okay?" He nodded, breathing quickly as he allowed me to flip him onto his back. "You'll float, it keeps the water off your face." I glanced at the Dwarves, they were waiting further down stream for us, looking every emotion between terrified and nervously annoyed, my clothes were in Bofur's arms.

"What're you doing?" Kili asked, I blew my hair out of my eyes and squinted, kicking my legs as the current carried us towards the others. "What's going on?" I kept silent as Fili waded into the shallow water, there was no current in this area.

"Calm down, we're almost there now." I replied, Fili took hold of his brother and pulled him out of the water, dragging him up the bank and away from me. Oin rushed over to check on him, making sure there was no side effects to the almost drowning, Bofur handed my clothes back as I approached him.

"That was brave... Brave but stupid, you could've died." He said, sternly. I nodded but shrugged anyway, who cares? I shivered whilst shrugging out of my wet clothing, pulling on fresh grey leggings, a red shirt and my boots, on top of that went my leather over coat. I felt much warmer now that I was redressed, all that needed sorting now was the mess of hair on my head. I pulled out my brush ready to start tackling the mess, someone taking the brush when I went to begin.

"You shouldn't have done that Clary, you nearly got yourself killed." Fili said quietly, I frowned as he made a start on the back of my hair.

"Kili could've died but you're telling me I shouldn't have jumped in to save him?" I asked, he sighed and turned me around.

"It wasn't worth it, Uncle wouldn't have let Kili drown Clary." He argued, I scoffed and took my brush back.

"I know, but he's your brother and as soon as we are married he will be my brother as well. You know as well as I do that he'd have done the same for me." I replied, Fili's eye's closed as he took deep breaths to calm himself.

"You really want to marry me?" He said finally, I rolled my eyes and sighed heavily.

"I accepted your courting bead didn't I?"

* * *

"Balin, you lead on, you know these paths best." Thorin announced, the older Dwarf took charge of the Dwarf convoy, marching us forward. "I suggest you keep up Master Baggins." He added coldly, the Hobbit jumped and nodded quickly.

"Nori? Where did you get that ring?" I asked the thief, who gave me a cheeky grin before jabbing his finger in Gloin's direction. "Shouldn't you give it back?" He shook his head, coming closer until he could discreetly show me the other objects he'd nicked. In his hand was some pretty odd items, including: a lump of blue metal, a silver thimble, a pair of black leather gloves and a single dagger inscribed with Khuzdul. "And the victims haven't even noticed they're gone yet?"

"That's the joys of being a thief, Miss Reynolds, no one ever notices." He whispered, winking before returning to his conversation with Kili. I made a mental note to observe Nori for the rest of the journey, ask him for some tips perhaps.

"What was my no good brother showing you?" Dori inquired, I smiled and shook my head.

"Just some trinkets he'd kept from Rivendell." I lied, he nodded and rolled his eyes, stopping me in my tracks. "What?"

"You've got a smudge on your face." He said, wiping at it with his hanky. I felt uncomfortable as he smiled warmly and moved on, Ori moving into his place with a sigh.

"He is a fussy old git isn't he?" Ori muttered, moving to join his beckoning mother hen of a brother.

I enjoyed seeing this side to Ori, it showed how much like Nori he was, much to Dori's chagrin I'd imagine.

"We're about to step over the edge of the Wild Lass, stay close." Dwalin muttered roughly, his hand on my back to keep me steady on the precarious terrain.

"Okay."


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15: Over hill and under hill.

"Then we've gone the wrong way haven't we?" I muttered to Kili as we trudged through the trees with a buck balanced between us. We'd sent Fili ahead to warn the others, making them think we'd only caught something small and inadequate for eating. The only problem was that Fili was our way back to camp and without him we were the blind leading the ignorant.

"We're not lost. I remember the way perfectly." He grunted, tripping on a tree root.

"Then how come I don't recall seeing that boulder there before?"

"That's the problem with girls, you can't carry a map in your heads like us men can." He mocked, with a roll of my eyes I did my best Susan Pevensie impression.

"That's because our heads actually have something in them." I argued, a bead of sweat rolling down my back as we stopped.

"That may be true, but look who got us back to camp." Kili whispered triumphantly, I sighed and ditched him with the buck, relishing his grunt as it's full weight came down on his shoulders.

"Then I'm sure you'll have no problem carrying this tiny deer in on your own." I replied innocently, Kili groaned as I stepped over the traps and back into camp, taking a seat next to Bofur as Kili's noise came closer.

"Durin's beard Lad, how did you carry that back on your own?" Bombur asked, I frowned and narrowed my eyes at the Silver Prince, daring him to try and take credit for my helping him.

"Uh, actually... Clary carried most of it's weight Bombur." He admitted sheepishly, I nodded and then decided to downplay the whole thing.

"Well, about three quarters of the weight really." Fili smiled and shook his head, not looking up from his chess match with Dori.

Who knew that Dwarves could get some of the most unusual, useless things into their bags, I mean come on. Dwarves were moving armouries but a chess set?... What else did Dori have? A tea set? Because that really wouldn't have surprised me much either to be honest.

"Do you play Miss Reynolds?" Dori asked, noticing that I had spaced out whilst staring at their game. I blinked and then shook my head, still staring as Fili moved a piece and claimed one of Dori's pawns.

"No, I've never understood the game. I even failed at Wizard's chess and it's marginally easier than regular chess." I answered, seeing the shocked look on Dori's face. "I'm going to take a random guess here and say that all Dams are taught to play chess because it's ladylike?"

"Well... You would be correct there but also because it teaches strategy and the art of hiding one's true opinion." He replied, I scoffed.

"I got taught strategy playing battleships in year six and my mother and some of her friends taught me the poker face by teaching me to play poker. I'd like to say I'm pretty good at it." I muttered, shrugging and ignoring the outraged Gloin saying that Ladies had no place at a game of wagers, as he called it. "That's just how we were taught in my day." I explained, nothing stopped Gloin's ranting after that, how a woman should be taught to be proper and follow the rules rather than play manly man games like poker and battleships, despite him not even knowing what that particular game was.

"Come and help me skin this deer, brother." Oin called, his younger brother still muttering under his breath about how he'd cut his beard off before any daughter of his played wagers with the men.

"Miss Reynolds? I was wondering if I might be permissed to sketch you for the company log?" Ori asked nervously, paper in one hand and a charcoal pencil in the other.

"Of course you can, although I do fidget a lot so that might be a bit of a problem."

"Not at all."

* * *

"Your hair is messy again... What've you been doing? Rolling around in the dirt or what?" Fili asked, his finger untangled my hair as I braided three pieces of long grass together.

"I roll around a lot in my sleep." I excused feebly, adding three more strands of grass to lengthen the braid.

"I know, I've got bruises in odd places where you've elbowed me." He grumbled, patting my hair once he was finished. I turned around with a frown.

"What places?" He rolled his eyes and kissed my nose, I scrunched my face up. "Don't be going all mushy on me now." I added, motioning him to turn around.

"What's this?" Fili asked curiously, I clicked my tongue and shook my head.

"I don't have fancy beads to show you're mine, so buddy, you're getting what I like to call a grass braid." I replied, he snorted. "You may snort, but this is only temporary."

"You could just use one of mine. That bit goes under." I moved the strand of hair I was misplacing, finishing the braid and tying off the grass braid.

"Take a look, it's prettier than you think." He took the mirror from my hand, moving his hair so he could see the strike of fresh green against his golden braid. "It's the perfect complement! Your bead is hard wearing and strong like you and the grass is a bit different Ike me!"

"It is." Fili said quietly, Kili bouncing over and tugging his brother's new braid.

"I want one." He pouted, I chuckled and began to braid another few pieces of grass, this time simply tying the braid in a bracelet around his wrist. "It's so pretty!" His wide eyes were transfixed on the grass for the rest of the day, which annoyed Thorin to no end after the third time Kili had stepped on the back of his boot, or not seen that Thorin had suddenly stopped and had walked into his Uncle's back.


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter 16: The same storm twice.

The rain was so heavy, beating down against my head, it felt like tiny nails being hammered into my skull from above. I thought to myself that I must really have pissed someone up there off and that they were punishing me for doing some of the stupider things in life, like joining this death sentence quest for one. Actually, the quest itself wasn't the problem... Mostly. It was what came after that I hated... You know?

The massive ass war between Dwarves, Men, Elves, Orcs and Goblins?

The Battle of the Five Armies as Professor Tolkien and Sir Peter Jackson called it. But then again, they also Called Erebor the Greatest Kingdom of all time, I preferred the term...

Death row.

Purely because there was only a waiting time of about a week or two before Thorin, Kili and Fili would meet their makers in the same battle, against the same Orc, on the same field, on the same day, for the same stupid reason.

My point?

I'm supposed to somehow stop these sons of Durin from getting themselves killed defending each other out of loyalty and honour. That's if they don't get themselves killed before then doing something equally as stupid as I don't know... Falling off the side of a Stone Giant?

* * *

"Watch out!" Dwalin roared, his arm flinging across my chest in order to stop me from falling off the side of the Mountain.

"Well bless me, the legends are true! Giants! Stone Giants!" Bofur cried excitedly, I couldn't hear what Thorin shouted, but Balin and Nori reached forwards and pulled him back against the Mountain. The Giants threw boulders at each other, not caring where each one met it's mark, I closed my eyes and whimpered, wishing that I was in Fili's arms and not Dwalin's right now.

"Hold on!" Dwalin bellowed, his voice carrying around the entire valley with it's volume. I looked over at the other group as we passed them, seeing Kili and Thorin, but not Fili, which meant that he was in danger as well.

The movement of the Giant reminded me of the ride at my hometown's annual fair, it was a spinning ride called Meteorite and I'd puked the one time I'd gone on it. I swear to God, I could've throttled Darcy for making me go on it; although the spinning hadn't been the problem, I could manage that with my eyes closed. It was when the ride started to lift us up that I felt my dinner rising, once the ride ended, I had staggered off and covered my mouth, throwing up in a bin on the side of the road whilst Darcy laughed and held my hair.

I felt like that now, the moving wasn't the worst part, it was when the Giant lifted and dropped it's leg that I felt nauseous.

"Brace yourselves!" Bombur yelled, the howling wind whipped my hair around my face as we headed straight for the face of the Mountain. We collided, luckily, no one was hurt, we all lay in a heap amongst the rocks, panting and cheering that we had survived.

"Where's Bilbo? Where's the Hobbit?" Bofur asked, he and Ori looking around nervously. I watched as they both threw themselves forwards, reaching for his hands as he hung from the edge of the narrow path.

"I've got you Laddie." Dwalin said as Thorin jumped down, his hand locked in the King's as Thorin pushed Bilbo up into Bofur's waiting arms. I grabbed Thorin's other hand as he slipped and began to fall, Dwalin's eye met mine as we nodded and pulled together. "Get him!" He growled, Thorin finally being pulled up into safety, his blue eyes full of hatred as he looked at Bilbo.

"We almost lost our Burglar." Bofur said, smoothing Bilbo's messy hair.

"He has been lost, ever since he left home, he has no place amongst us." Thorin snapped cruelly, giving me a nod as he grabbed Dwalin and moved past. I could see that Bilbo was visibly discouraged, but Bofur kept stroking his hair comfortingly.

"The cave seems empty." Dwalin said, Thorin was not satisfied... As usual.

"Search to the back, caves in the Mountains are seldom unoccupied." He replied, I doubled over, hands braced on my knees to keep myself upright as I heaved.

"Are you alright Clary?" Kili called as I threw up, the Dwarves around me groaned with disgust, holding their noses and turning away. I swallowed as hard as I could, feeling my stomach bucking and twisting as I fought it, wanting to keep some of my dinner in. "Oh Mahal deliver us!" He cried dramatically, leaping over a flailing Bombur, frog leaping Fili and disappearing into the cave as I laughed weakly and wiped my mouth, unable to straighten up for fear of puking again.

"Let's get you cleaned up Lassie." Oin said, pulling me into the cave and sitting me down, pulling out a box of green leaves, the strong scent of mint hitting my nose. "Chew these up well before swallowing, mint is good for the sickness." He said, dropping two leaves into my hand and bustling off. I placed the leaves into my mouth and began to chew, wrinkling my nose at the bitter taste, after swallowing a few times I felt much better, Oin truly as a miracle worker.

"Everyone, get some rest. We start again at first light... Bofur, take the first watch." Thorin commanded, I had a nasty feeling that was Bofur's punishment for defending Bilbo from the King's anger.

"We were to wait in the Mountains until Gandalf joined us." Balin hissed, Thorin shrugged his concern off and sat down.

"Plans change." I looked over at where I knew the Goblin door to be, seeing that most of the company had chosen to make their bedrolls up on that side of the cave.

"In this case that is definitely true, I think perhaps we should rest for two hours then move at once." I called carefully, still looking down at the sand covered trap doors.

"And what reason do you give for this suggestion?" Balin asked, I looked at him with wide eyes and licked my lips.

"It's just... We're kind of sitting on the front door to a Goblin town." The Company leapt up, drawing weapons. "Yeah I don't wanna alarm anyone, but that's a very well hidden trap door you've just made camp on. At midnight it will open and we will fall into a bone cage, thousands of Goblins later, disaster strikes." I explained, knowing full well that I should've kept my mouth shut after all.

"Very well then. Miss Reynolds will join Bofur on watch and will wake us up before these events happen." Thorin said, nodding as the others sat back down.

I still to this day don't have an explanation for why Thorin didn't question me. Why didn't he just pass off what I'd said and call me a Witch?

Balin thought it was because Gandalf had told him to believe me. Dwalin said because he'd seen my tattoo in Rivendell and had chosen to never second guess when I told him something.

I guess I'll never really know why.


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter 17: Waiting and Kings.

I had been meant to wake them up, make sure that they didn't get captured by the Goblins, but I was so tired and I know that it was my fault! Well, mostly, partly it was Bofur's fault for telling me to roll over and ignore the conversation he was having with Bilbo, which I thought was rude and inconsiderate of him.

"You're homesick, I understand!"

"No, you don't understand, you're Dwarves! You're used to this kind of life, never settling in one place, not belonging anywhere!" Bilbo hissed I raised an eyebrow as Bofur stepped away from him, his eyes kind and a smile on his face. "I'm sorry I didn't…"

"No you're right, we don't belong anywhere… I wish you all the luck in the world, I really do." I watched as the Dwarf put his hand on Bilbo's shoulder, frowning as his eyes drifted to the sword Gandalf had given the Hobbit. "What's that?" Bofur asked, Bilbo looked down and then looked horrified. Thorin looked down at the sand falling into the hinges of the trap doors, giving me the nastiest glare I've ever seen him giving to date before the plates began to collapse inwards, Dwarves screaming and trying to grab onto things, I slid down after them, not enjoying the second most nauseating trip in the slightest. I landed roughly on top of Bombur, bouncing slightly and then rolling off about five feet onto the floor, cracking my head against the stone.

"I thought you were supposed to wake us up." Thorin accused, his face inches from mine as he was trapped under the others.

"Blame Bofur for telling me to roll over and ignore him and Bilbo's conversation then." I hissed, hearing the Goblins screeching before I saw them… or caught a whiff of them. Thorin reached for his nephews, their fingers barely brushing before they were pulled apart and dragged up the path by the creatures surrounding us. Tiny, slimy hands were everywhere, pulling and patting at my clothing and skin, pinching and jabbing roughly, cackles and screeches and squawks filled the air, second only to the sound of thirteen angry Dwarves shouting at the Goblins to quote "take their hands off" them.

As we came to the main Goblin camp, I saw the most grotesque abomination my eyes have ever been cursed with, the Great Goblin himself, was perched on his bone covered throne, his large chins swinging like wrecking balls on his neck and his belly preceding his appearance.

"Who would be so bold as to come armed into my Kingdom?" He asked, Barry Humphries eat your heart out. "Spies? Thieves? Assassins?" He guessed, I reckon paranoia was secretly his way of ruling. You have a different opinion? That's fine but uh… off with your head.

"Dwarves, your malevolence, found them on the front porch." A ratty looking Goblin said, I thought he sounded a bit camp if you ask me, maybe he's got a thing for mega double chins and beer bellies.

"What're you doing in these parts? Speak!" I rolled my eyes as Oin stepped forwards.

"I'll handle this Lads, you leave it to me." He said, Gloin watching him like a hawk.

"What is your purpose in these lands?"

"You'll have to speak up Lad, your boys flattened me trumpet." Oin said, holding up his pancake of an ear trumpet, I think I must have been the only one to know he didn't really need it, just used it as a way to ignore and annoy everyone.

"I'll flatten more than just your trumpet!" The Goblin said, Gloin tugging his brother back and stepping in front of him protectively.

"If you want information then maybe I'm the one to ask." Bofur interrupted quickly, I rolled my eyes and crossed my arms.

"You're in for a treat here mate." I said to one of the Goblins next to me, it gave me a confused look as I shrugged.

"We were on the road near Dunland, well it was more a path really, or a track. But we were on the road like a path like a track uh..." Bofur began, Dori nudged him.

"Visiting distant relations." He suggested Bofur nodded.

"Some inbreeds on my mothers side." He agreed, frowning in thought. "But we lost that path last Tuesday? Friday?"

"SHUT UP!" The Goblin roared, silencing the entire company and hi own Kingdom in the process. "If they won't talk, I'll make them squawk! Bring out the Mangler, bone breaker!" He commanded spreading his bingo wings wide and spinning slowly like an obese ballerina inside a music box. "Start with the youngest!" He added, pointing at Ori, who clutched his note book and looked like he was shitting himself.

"Actually he's not the youngest of the Dwarves… Kili is." I corrected, bringing the attention to myself.

"Clary?!" Kili shouted Thorin stepped in front of his nephew, glaring at the approaching Goblins, who cowered away from the pair.

"What? If someone's got to suffer then at least get the right Dwarf." I explained the Goblin King fixed his piggy little eyes on me, his grunts shoving me forwards.

"Start with the woman." He sneered, I sighed and stomped my foot, giving him an incredulous look.

"Fine repayment for helping you out, asshole." I muttered under my breath, Nori must have heard me as he burst out laughing.

"Wait!" Thorin shouted, stepping forwards and projecting his majesty around the cavern.

"Well, well, well, look who it is. Thorin son of Thrain, son of Thròr; King under the Mountain." I watched as the disgusting creature bowed dramatically to Thorin, who looked totally majestic in all his glory…until. "Oh, but I'm forgetting, you don't have a mountain and you're not a king, which makes you nobody, really." He sneered, Thorin's face turning sour. "I know someone who would pay a pretty price for your head. Just the head, nothing attached. Perhaps you know of whom I speak, an old enemy of yours, a Pale Orc astride a White Warg."

Thorin's face turned again from sour to disbelieving, he thought the Goblin was lying, joking about Azog surviving; his blue eyes briefly flickered over to mine as I nodded once.

"Azog the Defiler was destroyed. He was slain in battle long ago."

"So you think his defiling days are done, do you?" A runty Goblin was brought to the Goblin King in a basket. "Send word to the Pale Orc; Tell him I have found his prize." The Goblin wrote down the message and then sped off, cackling nastily as he went. I felt a surge of nausea thunder through my stomach, I pitched forwards as I threw up for the second time that night, hitting the Goblin King's feet, the pain of the bile coming up was almost worth the look of the Goblin's faces.

"Bones will be shattered, necks will be wrung! You'll be beaten and battered; from racks you'll be hung. You will lie down here and never be found, down in the deep of Goblin town." My hands were itching to cover my ears but the Goblins searching us were content with grabbing things I'd rather they didn't and ended up earning themselves slaps or kicks in return. Goblins marched by with the torture instruments on their shoulders, some joining their King in his wicked song.

Out of the corner of my eye, I watched as a Herpes ridden Goblin unsheathed Orcrist, it's eyes growing wide and terrified as hit screeched and threw down the sword, all of the Goblin getting as far from it as they could, the King scrambled back onto his throne, cowering like a little girl as I stepped forwards and took the sword, taken by surprise at it's weight and struggling to hide how much trouble I was having holding it up.

"I know that sword! It is the Goblin Cleaver, the Biter, the blade that sliced a thousand necks." Goblin King whimpered, I smirked and held it in his general direction.

"Yeah and look who's got it you giant… Turd?" I replied the Great Goblin moved to look at me better; his eyes focusing on the bead of sweat building in my hair line.

"A petty threat, you can't even hold that sword, let alone wield it effectively." He laughed; I pursed my lips and then rolled my eyes, letting my arms fall to my sides. I knew that from the expectant looks on the Companies faces that they were hoping I'd do something new and life saving.

"Why are you looking at me like that? I can barely lift this monster and he's right, there's no way I'd be able to kill anything with it… I'd probably end up cutting off some of my own toes instead." I said loudly, Fili's eyes twinkled, he was the only one who knew I could do something at least… or he hoped I could anyway.

"Well, in that case…Slash them! Beat them! Kill them! Kill them all! Cut off his head!" Great Goblin crowed, I heaved the monster sword up and slashed at one of the Goblins that had tackled Thorin to the ground, helping him up before handing his sword to him.

"I think, you'll do much more damage with that than I will." I whispered dodging a Goblin and dropping to my knees, crawling along the floor as chaos broke out, keeping down and out of the way. I cried out as a silent flash of white light enveloped the throne room, knocking everyone down, I fell down onto my side, groaning as the effect wore off, slowly.

"Take up arms, fight, and fight!" Gandalf shouted, I whined and rubbed my sore eyes as I sat up, having no time to gather my wits as Fili and Kili yanked me up off the floor and hurried me to start running.

"He wields the Foe Hammer, the Beater, bright as daylight!" Great Goblin howled, trying to attack Thorin, who blocked the blow and sent the massive Goblin flying backwards, stumbling off the edge of the platform and down into the abyss.


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter 18: Working for the Weekend.

The Dwarves managed to get their hands back on their weapons in seconds, fighting and killing the Goblins in seconds whilst I was being hidden behind several of the more experienced Dwarves, namely Dwalin and Dori. Fili and Kili had run off ahead of the company to be next to Thorin, I sighed and rolled my eyes, sliding a dagger out of Nori's boot before hurrying to catch up with Gandalf, who was only a few Dwarves ahead of me.

"Gandalf! Don't let them get too far ahead!" I shouted over the noise of weapons clashing, he nodded once and sent Dwalin and Gloin to pull the three back, they did so, but grudgingly. I watched in amazement as Dwalin assessed the situation of an army of goblins coming at him, he looked around for something to help him.

"Post!" He bellowed, cutting free a guardrail and using it like a spear to knock the Goblins out of his way, some of the others helping him to do so. I laughed once and jumped as a Goblin leapt in front of me. Without thinking, I stuck my finger in my mouth before jabbing the goblin in the eye with it; it squealed and ran away from me as I wiped my finger.

"Now is one of those times I really wish I had some hand sanitizer." I commented to myself, seeing that I had been separated again and ran to catch up. "Thanks for leaving me behind." I thought as Ori looked behind himself and spotted me, slowing down a little bit.

"Come on, Dori was right over there a minute ago. If we speed up we can get to him." He called, stopping behind Balin as Bombur came down through the planks above us, practically bouncing off the wood. I saw Kili with the bridge, defending himself against the arrows like a pro, Fili was still next to Thorin, casting nervous glances around every so often, I felt a sharp smack to the back of my head, sending me forwards into Nori, who steadied me and then killed the Goblin that had hit me.

"You alright?" He asked quickly, checking the back of my head for blood as I nodded, he looked into my eyes, clearly nervous. "Your eye thing is gone." He whispered, I blinked and felt nothing in my eye.

"Oh crap." I muttered, being pulled forwards before I could begin to look for it.

"You'll have to manage without it." I nodded in agreement as we reached where I knew the Great Goblin was going to pop up through the floor, holding the Dwarves back to prevent them getting hurt.

"You thought you could escape me?" He screeched, swinging his mace twice and causing Gandalf to fall back, being pushed into standing again by Ori and Oin. "What are you going to do now Wizard?" He goaded, I watched as Gandalf sliced open the Goblin's stomach, a thick layer of fat preventing any real damage, I expect the pain was about the same as you'd get from a paper cut, and then cut his throat, a gurgle cutting off the Goblin's next words. He fell forwards with a thud, a fury spreading through the Goblins around us, the wood beneath our feet splintered as it began to give way, Fili's arms locked around me, both of his hands grasping the pole in front of us both when the entire platform fell through and hurtled towards the ground, getting stuck about 12 feet down and grinding to the ground before collapsing.

"Well that could've been worse." Bofur announced optimistically, I shook my head and dragged Fili out of the wreckage as quickly as I could, leaving the others to get crushed when the Great Goblin fell on top of them.

"Urgh, haver!" Dwalin grunted, trying to dislodge himself, Kili sat up and screamed like a woman who had been given a big fright.

"Gandalf!" He shouted a little deeper but still high enough to make me laugh at him mercilessly for three months afterwards. Dwalin had extracted himself from the rubble, in the process of helping a dazed Nori out when this happened and he looked up.

"There's too many, we can't fight them." He growled, holding Nori close until he had regained his footing.

"Only one thing will save us now… Daylight!" Gandalf exclaimed, helping Oin, who then bent down to help Balin. "Go, run! Get out!" He shouted, leading the Company out of the Goblin caves and into the fresh, cool afternoon air.

We ran down the hill, Fili's hand clasped tightly in my own, breathing heavy as we both looked over at Kili, making sure he was still with us and hadn't dropped away.

"Five, six, seven, and eight...Bifur, Bofur...that's ten...Fili, Clary, Kili...that's thirteen...and Bombur that makes fourteen." Gandalf counted, each of us stopping in random places to get our breath back, doubled over with our hands braced on our knees. "Where's Bilbo? Where is our Hobbit? Where is our hobbit?!" He added, Fili and Kili looked around frantically, starting to move back towards the Goblin infested Mountain.

"Curse that halfling! Now he's lost?!" Dwalin said loudly, I could hear a very faint breathing coming from behind one of the trees, but there wasn't anything there.

"I thought he was with Dori!" Gloin said, glaring at the older Dwarf as he accused him.

"Don't blame me!" Dori snapped, affronted that Gloin would say such a horrendous thing; I glanced over at Nori as he paused in his checking over of Ori.

"Well when did you last see him?"

"I think I saw him slip away after they first collared us." He said, everyone turning to give him raised eyebrows.

"What happened exactly? Tell me!" The wizard demanded, to face various members of the Company who all shrugged.

"I'll tell you what happened. Master Baggins saw his chance and he took it! He's thought of nothing but his soft bed and his warm hearth since first he stepped out of his door! We will not be seeing our Hobbit again. He is long gone." Thorin said bitterly, moving towards his nephews and checking on them when Bilbo stepped out from behind the tree, a small, sad smile on his face.

"No, he isn't." The Hobbit said quietly, every pair of eyes on him, and he turned light pink.

"Bilbo Baggins! I've never been so glad to see anyone in my life!" The Wizard sighed as Bilbo walked forwards, patting Balin's shoulder affectionately.

"Bilbo, we'd given you up." Kili said, relief evident on his face.

"Some of us had." I commented under my breath, the younger Prince ignored me, the elder elbowing my ribs.

"How on earth did you get past the Goblins?" Fili asked, I rolled my eyes as he smiled.

"How indeed?" Dwalin agreed, I watched as Bilbo hopped awkwardly from one foot to another, quickly stashing something in his pocket, Gandalf had seen it too by the looks of the expression he sent me.

"Well, what does it matter? He's back isn't he?" Thorin barely gave me a side glance as he stepped forward, I could see the embarrassment through his frosty cold exterior.

"It matters…why did you come back?" He requested, I was nervous as I looked around, Fili catching on with a frown and a squeeze to my hand.

"What's wrong?" He muttered, I shook my head.

"If the Great Goblin wasn't lying and Azog is alive then we are sitting ducks." I replied quietly, he looked around and saw that we were indeed stood at the edge of a cliff with nowhere left to go.

"Will he catch us up?" He asked, I nodded.

"In about two minutes actually." I answered as Bilbo cleared his throat, finally ready to answer.

"Look, I know you doubt me, I know you always have. And you're right, I often think of Bag End. I miss my books. And my armchair. And my garden. See, that's where I belong. That's home. And that's why I came back, because you don't have one. A home. It was taken from you. But I will help you take it back if I can." He promised, I think I nearly saw a tear come to Thorin's cold blue eyes as the rest of the Company looked at each other or the ground.

"Uncle, we really need to be going… Remember the Goblin's threat? Azog is on his way." Fili called, Thorin scowled but nodded and stared at me.

"Is it true?" He questioned, approaching slowly. "Is the Defiler still alive?" I hesitated on what to tell him, swallowing hard and nodding.

"The wound you gave him was healed, he did lose his hand but they replaced it with a claw. It would appear that only his hand was affected and you missed anything important… Unless it was his wank hand then it might have been a bit of a blow, pun not intended." I answered truthfully, Thorin closed his eyes and then nodded.

"Then we must move."


	19. Chapter 19

Chapter 19: That tree though.

 **AN: Guys, chapter 19!? What?! This is huge! How did we get here already?**

 **Just wanted to give a huge thank you to my favorites and followers and my reviewers! (You know who you are).**

 **So, what do you guys think? Desolation of Smaug in this story or a sequel and then third story for Battle of the Five Armies?**

 **Leave your thoughts in that cute little review box down below and I'll try to get back to you ASAP. In fact you can PM me if you don't wanna review, no problems with that either.**

 **But anyway.**

 **I love you guys, thank you so much for supporting this story.**

 **Love Red! Xxx.**

* * *

The heat from the fire was sweltering, you know they say that heat rises but I didn't take any science class this seriously. I saw Thorin lay on the ground unmoving, thinking of how many stupid Hobbit Kinky Confessions I could have tagged to that image.

"We have to help him!" Fili shouted, I nodded as Dwalin hoisted himself up onto the tree trunk, drawing his twin axes and letting loose a loud battle cry before launching himself into the fray of Orcs, the Durin Prince's following him with Gloin and Nori hot on their heels.

"Stay right there Clarisse Reynolds!" Balin shouted, his finger jabbing in my direction as I tried to get up as well. I slumped back down and tried to hold on tight, the tiny muscles in my arms burned with the effort of holding my entire body weight suspended in the air.

"Gandalf!" Dori shouted, his hands slipping down the shaft of the Wizard's staff... Oh God, get my mind out of the gutter. A moth flew back to the Wizard, his eye lighting up as Dori slipped completely off the staff, free fallingg through the air until an Eagle caught him and Ori.

When an Eagle picked me off the the tree, I looked down and saw Fili fighting next to his brother, the red fire light bouncing off his golden hair and illuminating every contour of his handsome face.

"Thank you!" I shouted to the Eagle, knowing it could understand me perfectly, it merely gave a screech in response but between you and I? I thought it sounded like a thank you in return. Azog was throwing a hissy fit once Thorin was picked up and we were gone, I watched as he screamed his head off at his Orcs, kicking the bodies about and stomping his foot like a teenage girl denied of her phone after being grounded.

The Eagles carried us as far as they could before setting us down, Fili and Kili running to their Uncle the second their feet it the ground. Gandalf pushed them out of the way, Fili's eyes meeting mine with a deep sadness.

"He's going to be okay." I called, Dwalin and Balin looked over at me and then nodded once each. "He won't die." I added, putting the 'yet' in there mentally so as to not alarm them. The Wizard bent over and whispered a spell into Thorinface ear, his blue eyes opening slowly as Kili and Dwalin got him up.

"The Hobbit?" Thorin inquired, I held my breath and watched as the two hugged out their problems, Bofur's eyes alive with hatred and jealousy over the King touching Bilbo. Apparently, Dwalin had noticed that something was missing from his persons, patting his pockets until a look of realisation came over his face.

"You bloody Thief!" He shouted at Nori, who shrugged and looked pretty smug given that the other Dwarf looked like he could've torn off his arms and beaten him to death with them.

"I was wondering when you'd notice." Nori replied softly, giving back the items he'd stolen from the company , I smirked as he too patted his boots, looking for the dagger I'd nicked in the Goblin tunnels. "Where's my knife Guard dog?" He asked of Dwalin, the other Dwarf grunted and shrugged.

"I uh, borrowed it in the Goblin tunnels." I piped up, holding the offending knife out for the Thief to take.

"You best keep that Lass, as a reminder that even a Thief can be stolen from." Dori said as Nori took the knife back from me.

"Indeed they can be, but that won't help us with a dragon will it Dori?" I muttered, Fili's arm around my waist, his mouth touching my temple lightly. "You are a naughty Dwarf." I hissed.

"How so?" He wondered, I felt my cheeks burning red as he smirked.

Well, two can play at that game can't they?

"I think I like the look of you by fire light." I replied, he raised an eyebrow. "I got rather hot and bothered by it all." I added, lips millimetres from his as I said this, pulling away as he leant in to close the distance. "You are a Naughty Dwarf."

"And you're an evil Seductress." He retorted, I shrugged and stood beside Balin.

"The Lonely Mountain." Thorin said, a bird flying past his ear.

"A Raven!" Oin exclaimed in shock, Gloin nudging him.

"That's a thrush brother." He muttered in correction.

"We'll take it as a sign." Thorin said, his eyes cast down onto Bilbo.

"You're right... I do believe the worst is behind us." He said optimistically, I felt a sense of dread coming over me.

"Yeah, just a forest, a town, a Lake and a fire breathing lizard to go now... But that's not the worst, the worst is a little game of Hide and seek with Orcs, being take prisoner by Trolls, ending up smack bang in the middle of a Stone Giant fight and then being attacked by Azog after escaping a Mountain full of Goblins." I said sarcastically, rolling my eyes. "But yeah, the worst is behind us."


	20. Notice for Sequel

**Hey guys!**

 **So, I know that I put up last night's chapter asking whether or not to make a new story or keep this one going.**

 **I'm going to make a sequel for Desolation of Smaug.**

 **The sequels name is...**

 **TRACKS TO SUCCESS.**

 **The first chapter should be up tonight so keep a watchful eye on this account.**

 **Thank you guys so much for the support, if you wanna get in touch about the sequel or this story, questions or anything. Review on this or PM me.**

 **I'll see you guys soon!**

 **Love, Red Xxx.**


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